"I would like to be Indie but I don't wear glasses"

Thine be the glory

2011-01-18T23:38:00.002Z

Thine be the glory, risen, conquering Son;
endless is the victory, thou o'er death hast won;
angels in bright raiment rolled the stone away,
kept the folded grave clothes where thy body lay.
Refrain:
Thine be the glory, risen conquering Son,
Endless is the vict'ry, thou o'er death hast won.

Lo! Jesus meets us, risen from the tomb;
Lovingly he greets us, scatters fear and gloom;
let the Church with gladness, hymns of triumph sing;
for her Lord now liveth, death hath lost its sting. Refrain

No more we doubt thee, glorious Prince of life;
life is naught without thee; aid us in our strife;
make us more than conquerors, through thy deathless love:
bring us safe through Jordan to thy home above

Have you ever noticed the line "No more we doubt thee"? I haven't.
It came to me in the shower. Weird that it's included, I mean so very often the idea of doubt isn't included in church songs and the fact it's included in such a well known song resonated with me.

Also, I just read my last post and realised it doesn't make any sense. It did at the time, doesn't any more. I had decided I was going to try a bit a clearer with my writing instead of constant self referencing and crypticness. Seems I have some way to go eh?

Part of me persists

2011-01-04T22:11:00.002Z

Part of me still wants to try and make you sing, but it would be hypocritical.
I've always quoted to people "if 5 million people say a stupid thing it's still a stupid thing", but there are times when it falls short.

We have things in common

2011-01-03T19:26:00.003Z

David Crowder Band, Sufjan Stevens, Cool Hand Luke, Phil Wickham, O.C Supertones and a hundred other artists, all of them have covered Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. I find it interesting that a relatively unknown person of Norfolk Church history could write a song that seems to strike a chord with so many even today. I've posted about him in the past, it's rather sad story.

I've never come across a church song that is so honest in it's doubt. I think I've said it before but never mentioned it here before, doubt isn't talked about enough. It's seems it's ok have questions just as long as you're "pressing in" each Sunday, but the moment you question and doubt and stop the Sunday feel good junk, you're some how tarnished with an incredibly unhelpful/unhealthy opinion that says "You better get right with God", like it's some stupid threat.

That's another thing I've realised since I've been away. I can't help but get the feeling church gives out this unspoken message that there's grace for the sinner, but there isn't grace for the doubting Christian. Go figure.

Hello again

2010-12-19T23:32:00.003Z

I just stumbled across this blog after reading all about McFly and I can say with complete confidence:"I'm not who I was."

I'm more at peace with myself. Do you know; I used to talk constantly to myself? Pointing out every flaw and imperfection. It was sometimes a torrent of abuse, but now I almost feel "Bugger it, you're not perfect. It's ok, move on."

I don't view myself with such disdain any more.

I'm not the horrible person I was led /I led myself to believe.

I've certainly got a foul mouth now. I'm ok with that. I'm just saying what I think rather than bottling it up and then despairing at myself.

The future looks uncertain and I'm ok with that.

I think I get it

2010-03-15T02:14:00.003Z

what's been eating at me for so long. It's the feeling that the future doesn't seem to hold much prospect. Nothing outstanding, nothing exciting, but low paid, unintelligent monotomy and I know I've brought it upon myself. My thinking then goes to how when everything gets better when the whole relationship with God thing is going well. And that's exactly it, I feel so many of my friends have got themselves figured out without God and my arm is being bent behind my back, being forced to submit to something that I don't want to do if I want to any chance at happiness.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Sings in Memphis

2010-02-04T10:57:00.000Z

Album preview: Gil Scott-Heron - I'm New Here

2010-02-04T00:25:00.004Z

Source

went well

2009-12-03T12:16:00.000Z

nuff said at the moment.

flesh on bones

2009-11-29T19:42:00.008Z

So, I went to doctors on the 6th. We talked for a bit, I attempted to explain what was going on in my head to varying degrees of success. Not to say I didn't explain how I was feeling, it's more that I can't fully remember now. Anyway, we agreed I would go and see him again the following month, in the mean time he gave me a questionnaire to fill out and some stuff to read.

I'm not entirely sure what he's going to get from those questions, some of the answers I found a bit limiting.

Last night at Sams I was was doing an email and I read the phrase 'intrusive thoughts', now, I've never come across it before, but something just clicked and I found myself thinking, "that's a great way of putting it". I did a quick google search when I got home and came up this wikipedia article, and you know what? I feel alot better for it. I feel like I can get my thoughts down more now I at least know I'm not so much of a headcase as I thought I was.

I appreciate it reads a bit headjobby, but it's a great feeling reading about what you're feeling rather than trying to explain it. I should also add, I'm just because I'm quoting does not mean I'm getting thoughts like all the things quoted.

"unwelcome involuntary thoughts, images, or unpleasant ideas that may become obsessions, are upsetting or distressing, and can be difficult to manage or eliminate. Intrusive thoughts, urges, and images are of inappropriate things at inappropriate times, usually falling into three categories: inappropriate aggressive thoughts, inappropriate sexual thoughts, or blasphemous religious thoughts"

"sufferers may feel shame and live in isolation, finding it hard to discuss their fears, doubts, and concerns"

"Suffering can be greater and treatment complicated when intrusive thoughts involve religious implications; patients may believe the thoughts are inspired by Satan, and may fear punishment from God or have magnified shame because they perceive themselves as sinful. Symptoms can be more distressful for sufferers with strong religious convictions or beliefs"
(fine example there of wikipedia being flawed, nice bit of repetition).

"Intrusive thoughts are associated with OCD or obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, but may also occur with other conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder, clinical depression, postpartum depression, and anxiety."

"People who are clinically depressed may experience intrusive thoughts more intensely, and view them as evidence that they are worthless or sinful people."

"The possibility that most patients suffering from intrusive thoughts will ever act on those thoughts is low. Patients who are experiencing intense guilt, anxiety, shame, and upset over these thoughts are different from those who actually act on them. The history of violent crime is dominated by those who feel no guilt or remorse; the very fact that someone is tormented by intrusive thoughts and has never acted on them before is an excellent predictor that they will not act upon the thoughts. Patients who are not troubled or shamed by their thoughts, do not find them distasteful, or who have actually taken action, might need to have more serious conditions such as psychosis or potentially criminal behaviors ruled out.
According to Baer, a patient should be concerned that intrusive thoughts are dangerous if the person does not feel upset by the thoughts, or rather finds them pleasurable; has ever acted on violent or sexual thoughts or urges; hears voices or sees things that others do not see; or feels uncontrollable irresistible anger."

"may feel shame, "embarrassment, guilt, distress, torment, fear that you may act on the thought or perceived impulse, and doubt about whether you have already acted in such a way." Depression may be a result of the self-loathing that can occur, depending on how much the OCD interferes with daily functioning or causes distress."

Parts of that article and parts of these quotes sum me up completely. I don't believe it's wise to self diagnose after reading an article online, but I do feel a bit more at peace about my head, but that doesn't actually change anything.

So, now you know why I sometimes flinch for no apparent reason as if I've walked on glass.

Appointment soon.

not much has changed

2009-11-18T23:21:00.000Z

thought it had. Will flesh it out a bit some other time.

an emo post

2009-10-21T21:28:00.001Z

It's been, well, I don't know how long since I felt I was having a 'downer'. I'm pretty sure I mentioned in recent posts how it had been. Well, it seems for the time being I'll be baring this joy once again.

It makes me wonder, is this a blueprint of what is to come? Am I going to continue in life having internal breakdowns every year til the day I die?

Cutting to the chase, makes me glad stuff with Mel didn't work out. I wouldn't want to be that sort of burden, it feels so weak.

She just called and we talked for a bit, she pointed out this has happened more than a few times before and that maybe going to see the doctor like Sam and Jade suggested a couple of years ago wasn't as much of a ridiculous as I told myself.

I said I would go.

Not really in the mood to actually write anything

2009-10-20T23:43:00.000Z

not forgiving

2009-10-19T22:26:00.000Z

eats you up inside.

Yet another "never really it me until now" moment.

It inspires

2009-10-03T09:46:00.001Z

Last night I had a dream (Or 'I fully acknowledge how lame this is')

2009-09-17T23:14:00.003Z

In that dream Mel got engaged.
In that dream I was gutted.
When I woke up I was gutted.

It's weird, you spend two years trying to move on to get over someone. They then get back in contact and you remember all the reasons why you fell in love with them in the first place. Yes, I said that. You then try and ignore said feelings. You then have an honest conversation and realise they don't feel the same way. You then try and move on, do the friends thing.

The problem is, its hard to try and think a certain way when your heart really just doesn't want to.

You then have dreams, in those dreams you have the conversations you wish you could have and everything is perfect.

I know how stupidly childish, schoolboy, dumb ugh this sounds, but in all honesty, for the sake of my sanity, I need to move on. If you could possibly pray about it (much as I kinda sorta don't really want you too) that would be great.

And seeing as God is outside of time, when You read this, you pray that tonight I dream about falling, clouds and monkeys with spoons for feet, anything but the nice normal conversation dreams that leave me feeling so meh.

(and if you read this, even though you said you don't, sorry if it creates any awkwardness)

This didn't happen at church on sunday

2009-09-15T13:03:00.000Z

Would have been awesome tho!

August 5th 2009 (Or 'Grumble, moan, no chocolate')

2009-09-09T00:40:00.004Z

On August 5th I turned 25 and with that came a sense of dissatisfaction.

I'm not where I was expecting to be, I'm not who I was planning to be.

I can remember thinking when I was 19, "by the time I'm 23 I'll have a six pack". Now while who I am physically is something I've thought about, it's not the be all and end all. I think it's that I thought I need to get my arse into gear on pretty much all areas of my life and that just happened to pop into my mind.

Currently, even though I am working, I'm not in the job I want to be in. While I take an active role at church, I feel, no, I realise and know I'm not anywhere near where I should be in my relationship with God. Actually, let's be honest, I've been a fraud, free-wheeling and just getting by. My actions haven't, for a long time, matched what is expected of me (whether from just people I know or from God). I haven't been a good representation of the Groom and I've made the Bride out to be ugly.

In the last year, I've got drunk and into a state that I'm ashamed of. I developed a foul mouth and tenancy to get impatient with people. I haven't been loving. I tried weed again (it's still a stupid idea, God only knows why I even bothered.) I tried and wasted afternoons sniffing poppers (which seems on par with sniffer marker pens). I've held grudges and talked about people behind their backs, I haven't been encouraging open discussion, just back biting. I've held conversations which are quite frankly filthy and laughed along with jokes that have no place in this mind of mine.

I wrote the above a good few weeks ago.

I'll save myself the waffle and try to bullet point a bit more.

I wrote the above paragraph and then completely ignored it.

I found a photo this photo a week back. I used to love those shirts. That's me holding my cousin John. I think I'm about 12. I had this urge, I wanted to talk to this 12 year old me. I wanted to encourage him not to worry to much about what people said to him. I would tell him he didn't have patchy skin on his face. Tell him no one could really notice he was wearing one shoe bigger than the other. I would tell him it didn't matter that he didn't use Lynx (because he didn't really need it yet). I would encourage him to spend more time with his grand parents. Climb more trees! I would tell him not to volunteer to go abseiling first in the Lake District and also not to run his thumb along the blade of John James' pen knife. I would tell him about high school, advise him on the people to avoid, the people he should listen to. I would tell him where his bag was hidden. I would encourage him to do his homework and practice guitar with him. I would tell him to make sure he got a back up of his gcse art exam because it would end up being deleted and he would feel terrible for it. I would tell him that flicking the contents of a hole punch, while amusing, is alot more trouble than it's worth. I would tell him that in the summer of 2002 he would make a massive mistake and he would know what I meant when the time came, I would tell him to walk home.
There was so much I would say.

And it hit me.

The past 13 years have gone by so quickly. In fact I feel like the past 21 years have zoomed by. I remember clear as a bell my 4th birthday, the green cake, the magic candles, the scooter, my mum and grandparents were there, played with the dog in the garden. Had p.e that day, I so was still wearing my p.e kit.

So what's my point here?

The first 25 years went so incredibly fast and I know it sounds like I'm being over dramatic, but alot of it seems like it's been a waste. I don't want to get to the next 25 years and find a picture of me now and want to say things. I want this next block to count, I don't want it to pass me by like this first one feels like it has.

So where am I starting?

Well, I'm starting at the place easiest to achieve. Diet.
On the 5th of august I cut out chocolate, pastry, sweets, puddings, alcohol, crisps and other fried food. I'll be honest, I ate 3 chocolate cookies on a sams night shift. I ate fish and chips on the weekend I moved home and a slice of ginger bread at Soul Survivor. I don't plan on stopping this any time this year.

I'm trying to cycle more over driving.

I want to be in a proper job earning a decent wage by Christmas. I've got my MCDST exam booked for late October, I chose late October because I want to make sure I definitely pass first time.

I want to make sure I've moved out by Christmas.

I want to get rid of the scooter I have and get an actual car.

I want to see the prophetic words that have been spoken over me start to come to fruition.

I can't help but feel I'm repeating myself and that doesn't sit too well either. I feel a sense of dissatisfaction with this post, I feel there's alot more to be said. But maybe I need to be focusing on living the life not writing about it.

So that's me, I'm 25. Best get a shifty on.

ps

Dave, if you're reading as a way of looking back on the past year(s), what have you done to achieve what you talked about? Don't let this be yet another talky blog post with not much of a result.

pps

And yes, I know, he is an ugly baby. You thought the same thing when you found the picture, while you were scanning it and just before you wrote this note after checking for spelling.

Singalong By Phil Wickham (or 'a late discovery, I'm slow to catch on')

2009-09-06T18:52:00.004Z

Click.
Signup to newsletter.
Download.
Enjoy.

"Why is your love so conditional?"

2009-08-24T18:34:00.002Z

I got a call from Jorge's wife last night. She said he would be coming back in september and wanted to know if I would want to meet up with him.

I didn't really know what do say, but eventually after establishing with her I have no grievances with her I explained what happened when we last met. I said how I tried my hardest not to sway his mind on anything, I tried to get his opinion on things directly from him. What I found was that he was either completely nuts, a horrible person or a liar and a coward.

I tired to explain how I try to surround myself with positive role models and I find him to completely lacking.

And then she said something I totally didn't expect: "Well. maybe when you're older you'll change your mind" She went on to talk about how I hadn't had a father figure around really since I was 7 and that with time I might realise I do actyally want him around.

I was kinda hurt/confused/annoyed. I mentioned how I had recently turned 25 and been told the whole "maybe when you're older" thing since I was 16. I just don't think she got it.
I felt bad to be saying these things to her, talk about her husband is such a way. I appologised and asked her not to repeat these things to him. It's not her job to pass these things on. It would be cowardly of me. I will say them to his face, he needs to know.

And in answer to the question: "Because I'm not God, I'm just a man".
I found that question kinda hurtful too.

Albums that I should have discovered sooner

2009-08-22T21:22:00.003Z

Sound of Melodies - Leeland
Listen to: 'Tears of the Saints' & 'Beautiful Lord'

Cannons - Phil Wickham
Listen to ''You're Beauitful', 'Cannons' and 'True Love'

In Christ Alone: Modern Hymns of Worship: Bethany Dillon - Matt Hammitt
Listen to 'Joy Has Dawned', 'Jesus Is Lord' and 'In Christ Alone' for a slightly different take on a classic.

busted

2009-08-10T12:13:00.004Z

Clicky.

Different strokes for different folks

2009-07-12T17:56:00.004Z

>>>Link<<<

'We have never seen anything like this'

2009-07-05T11:55:00.002Z

Microsoft Mind Tricks

2009-06-30T09:20:00.002Z

Next saturday

2009-06-20T21:54:00.003Z

I think if we can properly get into it, new songs won't be an issue.
So with that in mind, here are the three songs I would REALLY love to try:

Joy Has Dawned (yes, I know it's a christmas song)
Jesus is Lord

If you can make it, some guy called Paul Reid (the guy who speaks on the video) is speaking on '10 things that the church should be challenging our culture on' or something like that.
Anyway, it kicks off at 10am at The Hub, it's all day (you need to bring a packed lunch...oh yeah...I need to take a packed lunch!) and there is a bbq in the evening which is £6 but the bqq is going to be amazing!) - Gimmie a shout if you need a ticket for the bbq let me know asap as I have to buy them tomorrow.

Stuff in my head at the moment

2009-05-31T21:41:00.002Z

Fruits of the spirit

Are they evident in my life right now? It struck me that I'm not entirely sure they do. In all honesty I think that makes sense because I'm not really feeling particularly holy and haven't really (if I'm honest with myself) made any efforts to change this.

I think this realisation came to me while I was listening to David Hoarth speak last week at OG. It seems stuck me that we talk alot about gifts of the spirit alot more in church than we do the fruits. Like we put more importance on the gifts. It seems to me like trying to run before we can walk. In my head it seems that the gifts should come after the fruits. How do I explain this? Like the fruits are the results, the produce of living a life that is open to the Holy Spirit. Gifts are such that come after that.

Maybe like life is a garden, holy spirit is the rain. Veggies then grow. Gifts are like being given a fork to help harvest the veggies. I dunno, that's my head anyway.

We were watching The Darjeeling Limited this evening, I really enjoyed it. Very good film. Something about it though made me think alot about faith church stuff. I can't put my finger on exactly what t was about the film, or maybe it was just my brain processing conversations from earlier in the afternoon, but it struck me, we need to stop talking in small groups. If we are a family and are to move forward as a family we need to be discussing things openly with each other.

It's so easy to have well meaning conversations, we may try our hardest not to be bitching, but even with the best of intentions if we are not praying about the things we discuss we are infact just talking. That doesn't getting anything done. If we're not talking openly and we're not praying about it, we're not moving and we're not getting (or asking for that matter) God's help and guidance in what to do.

Come, come, come, let us worship God with our hands held high and our hearts bowed down. When was the last time we sought to do that as a family. We need to do this, as a family, we must do this. Going back for a sec, thinking about the fruits

love (agape);
joy (chara);
peace (eirene);
patience (makrothumia);
kindness (chrestotes);
goodness (agathosune);
faithfulness (pistis);
gentleness (prautes);
self-control (egkrateia).
As a family do we demonstrate them? Are we actually joyful? Forget having self control for a moment, do we have have joy? Simple question.

Peace. Are we peaceful? I don't mean not arguing with each other I mean do we have peace?

You see I feel as a small group within the family, we need to be focusing on these things. I feel we're getting too wrapped up in the finishing touches when I feel God is saying we need to be looking at ourselves first. I feel God is saying we need to be turning back to him to solves problems rather and meeting after meeting, talking about talking.

Dude, I think we need to repent and start doing things different.

Poor timing (or '84 hours earlier')

2009-05-28T13:46:00.004Z

Last friday, before I round out when he was leaving the country, I was round Mel's.

At some point towards the end of the evening, after a moments (it felt like forever) thinking I finally said "Mel, do you think there will ever be 'us' again?"

and so began a conversation I didn't really plan on having. Once I said it I felt a sense relief and nerves. J had been restless in his sleep that night, I said as he coughed some more "I want to be a part of this", pointing to his room. Later I said "you wrote on that painting 'place me like a seal over your heart' and so I did."

The conversation, while fragmented in my head, was actually quite honest. I said how I wasn't entirely sure how I felt sometimes.

(When we got back in contact, while I was trying not to think about what would happen next, what it would lead to, I recognised that not thinking about it was irresponsible. You see there are three people in this situation, Josh, Mel and Me. How I conducted myself would potentially affect him and so I had to force myself to think about my actions, texts, emails, conversations.)

She said something along the lines the same thing but wouldn't (and I felt rightly so) say exactly what she felt. We arranged to meet up this evening to talk about it, however due to this week being the way it has, we're going to just watch a dvd (comedy preferably) and eat "pretty good popcorn".

It hasn't caused any sort of tension (that I've picked up on) this week. We actually went to the pub on monday evening and talked for a bit about my conversation with him earlier on in the day. That was helpful.

I appologised to her last night if I have put her in an awkward position. It's not easy to have a relationship type conversation when you're falling apart. We'll see how it goes, but it kinda was poor timing on my part.

what happened next

2009-05-27T17:50:00.002Z

He flatly denied ever being violent to my mum, only admitting to being aggressive once.

He said how he only ever wanted to have two children and was in the operating room about to vasectomy when my mum rushed into the room and demanded the operation was stopped.

He said he wishes he stood up for himself that day.

My brother Pete and I are "mistakes" that my mum planned.

He didn't apologise for anything, not even when I explained why I choose not to speak to him.

The reason why he worked 60 weeks and was never around wasn't because he had to, he just wanted to be able to say he never borrowed money from anyone. He was quite proud of the fact he was about to buy his our first house in cash. I admit that's a pretty big achievement.

Does it stop the fact I'm have no grasp what so ever what is true anymore? No.

Heart broken. Head a mess. Looking for distractions. If you want to hang out and talk about anything but me, let me know.

The oddest 7 minutes of your life (or 'I'm trying to distract myself')

2009-05-25T22:57:00.000Z

30 minutes til take off

2009-05-25T10:01:00.003Z

Jorge, dad, him whatever, he's going back to ecuador on wednesday. On tuesday I am working in the OG office so today is pretty much my only chance to talk to him.
The worst case senario realist (pessemist) in me would believe this could potentially be my last chance to talk to him. Who knows what's over there, he could come back in a body bag.
It's not a nice thought. I don't want to be stuck with these questions without anwsers. I don't think I could forgive myself for not having the bottle to ask them when I had the chance.

so this is it.

Here's what I think I might ask.

I'm thinking of them as I write in no partiular order.

When is it ok to use violence in a relationship?
Does he admit he was violent towards mum and sometimes my brothers?
Did he ever love my mum? (he once said he didn't)
If he did love her, how is using violence an expression of love?
If he didn't, why did he marry her? (what does my existance mean then? Am I part of a plan to get to a better country or something?)
When he moved out, why did he lie about where he was living? (He said he was staying at his friend Mick's house. However everytime you called Mick's house you got the usual "he's just walked out the door". He was infact stay at his now wife's flat.
Why has he never made any attempt to discuss what happened?
Why had he never made any attempt at reconcilation?
Why did he once say "never trust women, all of them are liars" but then marry his new wife?
Does he love her?
Has he ever been agressive or used violence against her?

I can't help but imagine you'd ask why am I asking these things. Quite frankly I feel it is my right and his responsiblity. What am I trying to achieve? I want to see if he shows any remorse.

... (or 'Another lazy post')

2009-05-17T23:11:00.002Z

'Love' (or 'another lazy post')

2009-05-08T15:39:00.004Z

I was just listening to Mae and looked up the lyrics for their song Suspension. Some guy had commented on the lyrics and in his signature wrote "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other..."

I have this thing where I assume most things I see on the internet are quote from somewhere else so I googled it and came up with a list of people's thoughts about love. On this fine day when Love is pretty much the theme everyone is thinking about (due to Becca and Joe's beautiful wedding) I thought it fitting to share what I found.

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't
bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my
grandfather does it for her all the time, even when
his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

"When someone loves you, the way they say your
name is different. You know that your name is
safe in their mouth."

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy
puts on shaving cologne and they go out and
smell each other."

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody
most of your French fries without making them give
you any of theirs."

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my
daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him,
to make sure the taste is OK."

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if
you stop opening presents and listen,"

"If you want to learn to love better, you should
start with a friend whom you hate."

"There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love.
But God makes both kinds of them."

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt,
then he wears it everyday."

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old
man who are still friends even after they know
each other so well."

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see
anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of
chicken."

"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and
still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after
you left him alone all day."

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives
me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy
new ones."

"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says
she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick
on my baby sister because I love her."

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and
down and little stars come out of you."

"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she
doesn't think it's gross."

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you
mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it
a lot. People forget."

The Little Tree

2009-04-22T23:19:00.001Z

Up at the top of Yosemite Park

Where the mountains are stony and bare

There lives a small tree with a story to tell

As its branches reach into the air…

I had been climbing all day with my friend, Paul. We wanted to take in the enormously stunning grandeur of Yosemite’s glacier carved park; its waterfalls careening down into the valley and tall, granite peaks stretching out past a horizon of clear, blue sky. We had climbed all day, quite small on the little trail that took us up to the top of Nevada Falls, our bodies aching from the grueling ascent, comforted only by the thought of the awesome views we would soon get to see.

When we got to the top it wasn’t grandeur, or majesty, or beauty that caught my eye. Those things were there, of course, but the thing I noticed most was a little tree growing straight out of the solid granite, right at the top of the falls. It seemed out of place, this scrawny little tree with its branches all spindly and lean. There were other trees in the area that were bigger, stronger or more beautiful, having found deep soil and lots of water to nourish their roots. Some trees had even found large cracks in the rock, where they would have a place right alongside other trees. But this little tree was all by itself, completely different from all the glorious beauty surrounding it, quite content to be a little tree right where it was. What was even more amazing was that compared with all the other trees its branches were the most pinecone-laden, puny limbs that I had ever seen in my life.

So I said, “little tree, what are you doin’?! You’re pinecones aren’t gonna do squat here on this solid rock! Those seeds will never find a place to grow. You might as well just give up.”

The little tree didn’t say anything back. It just stood there quietly, happily displaying hundreds and hundreds of pinecones ready to fall. I stared at it for a few more seconds, wondering how this tree was even alive in the first place, when an idea popped into my head.

“You know, that tree doesn’t know any better,” I thought. “It’s just a little tree, doing what it was made to do; producing pinecones. It doesn’t care where it is or what might happen. It’s being the best little tree it possibly can, even in a strange and unlikely place.”

Before long, another idea popped into my head. “Who knows, maybe one of those pinecones will get blown off the cliff to find some soil in the valley below. Or maybe it will rain and wash some of those pinecones into the waterfall where they’ll be carried downstream to a rich and fertile shore far away. Maybe there’s already a bunch of trees right now stretching their branches toward the sky, growing into bigger and stronger trees than the little tree that produced them in the first place. Who knows how important that little tree could be?”

I didn’t stay there forever, and the tree didn’t say anything cute or clever. It didn’t turn into a magical elf, or fairy, or genie that could grant me three wishes. It just sat there, slowly growing pinecones as I explored the rest of the mountaintop, taking in all the views. When I finally left I had pictures, just like everyone else, of huge mountains, cascading waterfalls and beautiful meadows to remind me of Yosemite National Park. But the biggest wonder of all, the most powerful picture I’ll take, is the memory of a little tree, in an unlikely place, producing lots and lots of pinecones.

Firefox Add-ons

2009-04-16T13:29:00.005Z

Adblock Plus 1.0.2

http://adblockplus.org/

Firefox 2.0 - 3.6a1pre

Ads were yesterday!

Add to Search Bar 1.8

http://maltekraus.de/Firefox/search-tools/

Firefox 3.0 - 3.1b3

Add any search on any page to the Search Bar.

BugMeNot 2.1

http://erichamiter.com

Firefox 2.0 - 3.1b3

Bypass compulsory web registration with the context menu via www.bugmenot.com.

CustomizeGoogle 0.76

http://www.customizegoogle.com/

Firefox 1.0 - 3.6a1pre

Enhance Google search results and remove ads and spam.

CyberSearch 1.0.7

http://www.cybernetnews.com/cybersearch

Firefox 3.0 - 3.1b3pre

Adds advanced Google Search capabilities to the Firefox 3 address bar. (That cool thing that Google Chrome does)

Download Statusbar 0.9.6.4

http://downloadstatusbar.mozdev.org/

Firefox 3.0a8 - 3.6a1pre

View and manage downloads from a tidy statusbar

Extension List Dumper 1.14.1

http://sogame.awardspace.com/

Firefox 1.5 - 3.1b2

Dumps a list of the installed extensions.

FoxyTunes 3.0.4

http://www.foxytunes.com/

Firefox 2.0 - 3.6a1pre

Control any media player from Firefox and more...

Free Download Manager plugin 1.3.2

http://freedownloadmanager.org/

Firefox 1.5 - 3.*

Free Download Manager integration with Firefox browser.

GoogleTube 1.2.1

Firefox 1.5 - 3.1b3

Adds a YouTube icon to your Google's search results

Greasemonkey 0.8.20090123.1

http://www.greasespot.net/

Firefox 1.5 - 3.1b3

A User Script Manager for Firefox

Linkification 1.3.6

http://yellow5.us/firefox/linkification/

Firefox 1.0 - 3.6a1pre

Converts text links into genuine, clickable links.

PDF Download 2.1.0.2

http://www.pdfdownload.org

Firefox 1.5 - 3.6a1pre

Allows you to choose what to do with a PDF file: download it, view it with an external viewer or view it as HTML.

Refractor for Prism 0.2.1

http://wiki.mozilla.org/Prism

Firefox 3.0b1 - 3.0.*

Create Prism applications directly in Firefox

ScrapBook 1.3.3.9

http://amb.vis.ne.jp/mozilla/scrapbook/

Firefox 2.0 - 3.0.*

Helps you to save Web pages and organize the collection.

Scroll Search Engines 1.0.1

https://addons.mozilla.org/addon/3696/

Firefox 3.0 - 3.1b3

Scrolls through search engines in the search bar

Taboo 0.6.0

http://overstimulate.com/projects/taboo

Firefox 2.0b1 - 3.1b3

The cure for tabitis

No idea

2009-04-15T20:07:00.003Z

I was round a friend's house last night. I arrive half way though reading a bedtime story, apart from feeling rather honored to be able to sit in, something happened that really got me thinking.

The book had been put away and mother and child were praying before lights out. I won't try to repeat the full conversation, but I heard: "...and thankyou Father christmas for...".

The child was told that Father Christmas was different and we didn't pray for father christmas.
But it struck me, granny or grandpa gives us things, so we say thankyou. Mummy or Daddy gives us things, so we say thankyou. Father Christmas gives us things, but we don't say thankyou. God gives us things that we (aged 4) can't really grasp, but we say thankyou for that...even though we're not entirely sure what it is we're thankful for.

How do you do that parents? How do you explain to a child (your child) what God has done when in fact, the concept of Grace or God providing isn't really something they will wrestle with for maybe another 10 years?

Father Christmas gives actual physical gifts, God, it seems, does not.

Answers on a post card.

I didn't lie

2009-04-07T22:37:00.001Z

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hey

Stranger: hi strangerrrrrrr

Stranger: :)

Stranger: a/s/l?

You: 24/m/uk

You: u?

Stranger: 17/f/Canada

Stranger: i live in the country of the cold and boring

Stranger: X(

You: which part?

Stranger: Ontario

Stranger: not gonna be too specific. there are a lot of creepers on this site!

Stranger: ask a question. any question. im THAT bored.

You: No worries

You: I know what you mean

Stranger: so ask one!

You: Tell me something unique about you?

Stranger: ummm

Stranger: haha that's a surprisingly hard one

You: yeah

Stranger: you first then. answer ur own question

You: someone asked me the same one the other day

Stranger: waddid u say?

You: um, I shared a holiday story

Stranger: okayyyyyy

Stranger: how is that something unique about you?

You: but then she said she couldn't beat it so

You: you go first

Stranger: no u have to tell me the holiday story!

You: ha

You: now I've hyped it up too much

Stranger: yep, u have

Stranger: now i need to know !

You: My family and I went on holiday to indonesia to visit my brother who was working out there

You: when we arrived we found out his girlfriend was married

You: (news to him too

You: )

You: because of this we were followed

You: he house was broken into

Stranger: waaaa?

You: and he had death threats

You: we then went on the run

You: (I kid you not)

You: while trying to hide out in the country side

You: we went to a monkey sanctuary

Stranger: go on

You: where my brother got bitten by a monkey

Stranger: okay you are making this up.

You: no seriously

Stranger: ???????

You: it was soo funny

Stranger: well that sounds scary!

You: it was like the first holiday we EVER went on as a family

Stranger: and now my "unique" thing seems shitty

You: back in 2003

You: see

You: I told you

You: I'm sorry

Stranger: haha sokay

Stranger: it's not ur fault ur family story is INSANE

You: I didn't actually tell you the bit I was going to

You: I just remembered the other stuff

Stranger: i was just gonna say that i've died my hair 7 different colors :(

Stranger: that sounds so dull now.

You: My brother and I rode on top of a train

Stranger: plus it's just brown now. so it's a boring color currently.

Stranger: and why?

You: that was freakin awesome

Stranger: why would u ride on top of a train???

You: because we could

Stranger: now im sure u made this up. no offence

You: ok

You: let me see if I can find some pictures

You: online

You: No offence taken by the way

You: it's the most stupid thing I have ever had to say, I wouldn't believe me if I was you

You: but I kid you nit

You: *not

You: it actually happened

You: I'm Dave by the way

Stranger: im liz

Stranger: hi dave lmao

Stranger: seriously, sorry, but that is a bit of a difficult thing to believe without proof

You: yeah, i see that

You: oh wait

You: I have more

You: (by the way, my mum refuses to ever go on a family holiday ever again)

You: the was a earth quake while we were in bali

You: like a small one

Stranger: okay. now im done believing.

You: but still

Stranger: completely.

You: dang

You: it's the funniest thing

Stranger: im sorry but it's just too weird!

You: i KNOW!

You: ok ok

You: still loooking for pics

Stranger: sorry!

You: :D

Stranger: now there's NOTHING i can say about me without sounding boring.

Stranger: thanks alot.

Stranger: >:(

You: we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time

You: (more than once)

You: lol

You: you know what, I really want to get some evidence for you now

Stranger: meh.

Stranger: sorry. im not gonna wait around forever

Stranger: for u to find evidence

Stranger: of an insane story!

You: hmm

You: ok

You: did you have a good day?

Stranger: sorry. for the billionth time!

Stranger: and no i didn't

Stranger: i got the flu

You: (i'll keep looking in the mean time)

Stranger: AND i had so much overdue work to do

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

nerg

2009-04-07T21:48:00.002Z

seems pointless to do 8 weeks of watching training videos about how to "craft a service", give loads of feed back and think you're all making progress, then spend an evening doing the complete opposite of what you discuss.
stupid waste of time.

2009-03-30T15:36:00.000Z

now

Bible and Beats

2009-03-14T01:28:00.003Z

The idea is that listening to the scriptures with music makes it easier to remember.
Currently Joshua 1 and Acts 1-4 are listed, more to come very soon.

----------->

Some words are universal

2009-03-10T15:05:00.002Z

I mean can make out some of the words, I would just love to know what else they are saying.

I don't feel myspace wants my kind

2009-03-10T10:33:00.003Z

Got an email from myspace today:

some how, I get the feeling I'm not part of myspace's target audience.
I'm not individual enough.

The Geek Post

2009-03-09T17:06:00.002Z

Perfect.

yearbook

2009-03-06T02:02:00.001Z

(01:41:15) Vikki: oh. right. for our yearbook page we had to answer a question. "when will you feel you have truly succeeded in life?"

(01:41:22) Vikki: and we only had 5 minutes to answer

(01:41:25) Dave: haha

(01:41:34) Vikki: what would you have said?

(01:46:06) Dave: I would say life like a series of success's and failures and there is never a one point where you are a success. That said, I would say I would feel I have truly succeeded if on the day I die my family, (wife, sons and daughters) felt they were able to say above all things, regardless of financial wealth, health or anything else, they were happy and secure in my love for them.

(01:47:33) Dave: If each day I felt did my best for it to be filled with laughter instead of tears

(01:48:02) Dave: that happy memories weren't just of childhood but also of recent times

(01:48:56) Dave: that they felt I have shown them by the way I lived my life, that they knew how to live theirs, on that day, I would feel I was a success.

In an effort to be more like Ben Foster

2009-02-26T22:44:00.002Z

I took to the idea of contacting well known people.

click the image

Click here

two things

2009-02-21T23:48:00.003Z

(I need to point out, when I posted this the other day I realised I needed to change bits because they didn't clearly explain what went on. I haven't changed bits in response to comments. Bits that are in italics are bits that were added .Bits with ~~Strikethough~~ are parts I would choose to remove but haven't to show changes.)

the thursday after I met my dad I was at a funeral and he was there also.
I wanted to take a photo to fully capture the surrealness that was going on but it's didn't seem appropriate.

Standing in a square going anti-clockwise was me, my mum, my oldest brother and dad.

Mum and dad were talking and laughing at points and I head a head of confusion. In my head I imagined taking him into a back room to talk to him away from the crowds but it didn't seem to go that way. After about, I dunno 25 minutes or so someone came up to my mum and started talking about something, like me he seemed removed from the conversation so I took a step back. Moments later he followed and started talking about something I don't recall then I interrupted, I'll be honest, I can't really remember how he responded to most of the things he said...

"Why can't you be like this all the time?
You know, we have all told Mum not to talk to you, to not go anywhere near you. You know why? Because it goes like this, it's a set process now: You're polite, she's polite, you make conversation, she makes conversation, you're a completely dick to to her and she ends up really upset. Why do you do that? Why can't you just be nice? Why can't you be polite? Now I know she can be hard to talk to sometimes, it's quite easy to deal with, you just change the subject and walk away, it that really so hard?

That's one of the reason I don't contact you, look me in the eye damit, it's because of that and the fact I don't like you, I don't trust you and I don't think you're a good or nice person. I want to surround myself with people who are positive influences on me, and you're not that. Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that to pick a fight or be malicious, I think you're man enough to be able to hear what I think." (I was reflecting on this conversation later, if I ever have children I never want to have to go through hearing that from my children. Although it was said in a calm but firm voice, it must have been a terrible thing to hear in a room full of people.)

He said

"I think I am a good person, I'm getting to the point in my life where I don't want to have any disagreements with anyone. I'm trying to be a better person"

"Well to be honest, I don't believe you. I have no reason to."

The conversation moved on, and he asked me to come over and fix his laptop sometime, he said he would pay me.

"...no, I don't want your money. I'll show you how to do it, then you can do it yourself. I don't want that whole mobile phone that happening again, I don't want to be blamed again for breaking your things."

"I've never blamed you for anything, I don't know what you mean about a mobile phone."

"You don't? Well, I remember a day as clear as a bell, your mobile phone had a problem and you asked me to fix it. I did and then it stopped working, I remember the time of day, where we were, everything. And you got angry, at which point I appologised and when home. Remember that?"

"No, I don't know what you mean."

"~~Funny~~ I spoke to Peter later that day, apparently you phoned him cos you were so angry I broke your phone you told him you nearly hit me. Remember that? ~~I do~~ Sometimes Peter and I talk about that day, ~~oh and you know what?~~ that was the day the entire Vodafone network when down in Norfolk. ~~remember that? I do, cos~~ I was so pissed off I kept the newspaper cutting about the network going down. But anyway, I'll show you what to do ~~So you can~~, but you can fix it yourself ~~your own computer~~, it's not like you have anything else to do, I hear you're retired and bored so maybe learning something would be a good thing. (Now that I write this out, I think I have to point out it wasn't said with such venom, the last bit was actually said in jest. Also, I binned the paper cutting long ago.)

hmm, I think I'll leave it there. Got a bit more to write about but maybe sleeping would be more positive. The second thing I was going to share can wait til another day. Kinda cool news, still undecided about it all tho. (ooo, the intrigue!)

So how did it end? Well, we agreed to meet up at another date and I would help him out with his laptop. There wasn't any hard feelings or tension. We rejoined the conversation and when it was time to leave we shook hands and said goodbye.

and they say romance is dead

2009-02-12T13:28:00.003Z

words I didn't write but seem appropriate at the moment

2009-02-08T23:28:00.007Z

When the storm is raging all around me, You are the peace that calms my troubled sea.
And the cares of this world darken my day, You are the light that shines and shows me the way.
Oh, the beauty of Your majesty, on the cross You showed Your love for me.

Beautiful Lord, awesome and mighty I’m captured by this love I see.
Beautiful Lord tender and holy Your mercy brings me to my knees
It’s Your mercy that has made me free, beautiful Lord

When my sin is all that I can see, Your grace remains the shelter that I seek.
And when my weakness is all I can give Your gentle Spirit gives me strength again.
Oh, the beauty of Your majesty, on the cross You showed Your love for me.

And I am lifted by Your love to sing!
It’s Your mercy that has made me free!

It's been a bit of an odd day or so.
I met up with him. It wasn't quite what I was expecting. Firstly, he was late. (I'm gonna say it now, I don't think I'm going to give a balanced overview). Also, his wife came along.
I greeted him with and hand shake and gave her a hug. I was undecided at the time and still am whether I gave her a hug out of being happy to see her or if it was meet showing him subconsciously I prefer her company to his.

We did small talk

and I couldn't help but notice how much he tapped the table. I have spent many an afternoon tapping the boardroom table of Homeserve Emergency Services. I used to do it to cover up the fact I was so nervous I was shaking, I think he was doing the same.
He didn't give much eye contact.

Something I did pick up on what that his wife interrupted him a few times. I couldn't help but smile. I've always known her to be an incredibly shy person so this was a massive change in her, I'm glad of that.

I bought a bottle of water with me. Not only because I get thirsty when nervous, but because he wouldn't be able to offer me a drink. You see, something I have observed is that he buys things to make himself feel better, almost like doing so has helped him fulfil his parental duty by providing. Without that and also without me taking him up on his offer of buying lunch, he was a bit stuck. It was not my intention to make him uncomfortable, and just wanted him, nothing else, just him. Maybe that does make him feel uncomfortable. The hardest thing some people do everyday is look in the mirror. So anyway, without the option of spending time looking at the menu and all the faff that goes along with that, we had an hour of conversation.

It bugged me that he felt he had the right to comment on situations that he was completely unrelated to. Like whether my mum had sold her house and how he told her to do it 2 years ago.
I feel like he gave up his rights to comment on stuff like that we he left when I was 7 - (For the sake of an attempted balanced view, we went to my grans and then a court order was issued to have him removed from the house.) You give up your rights and the name 'Dad' when you settle an argument with open fisted beatdown. You get demoted to your first name. Yes, you maybe a 'Dad' but you are no longer 'Dad' by name. Then he started telling me how I should be doing things. Again, I don't think he has that right and the more I reflect on this, the more my peace floats away.

I feel like I have come away with an open wound. I feel like stitched and scared tissue have been split open. I did feel strongly that God was telling me to do something, I did feel he told me I was ready to deal with this. It's been started again, I've tried to be obedient and Father, it hurts so much.

few things

2009-02-07T01:46:00.002Z

I think I might call Jorge tomorrow (aka Mr Garcia), I think I have finally clicked on a couple of things. I realized I just don't trust him.
Secondly, I think it's a bit odd he feels it wrong that I don't talk to him, but he refuses to contact his own niece. I think he deserves to know this, it seems only fair. If I do meet up with him, my intention is to state fact, say how I feel. I'm not interested in picking a fight.

I don't trust him, but I do trust my Father in heaven.

In other news, I'm back in contact with Mel. It's great to be catching up with a friend I've only seen a handful of times in the last two years. We're meeting for a proper catch up on monday. I've really enjoyed our text conversations recently, back to the ol' iron sharpening iron, it's good and exciting stuff.

Ducklings

2009-02-04T13:30:00.000Z

Heck yeah!

2009-01-24T00:51:00.002Z

How happy every child of grace,
Who knows his sins forgiven!
'This earth,' he cries, 'is not my place,
I seek my place in Heaven -
A country far from mortal sight,
Which yet by faith I see,
The land of rest, the saints' delight,
The heaven prepared for me.'

O what a blessed hope is ours!
While here on earth we stay,
We more than taste the heavenly powers,
And antedate that day.
We feel the resurrection near,
Our life in Christ concealed,
And with His glorious presence here
Our earthen vessels filled.

O would He more of heaven bestow,
And let the vessels break,
And let our ransomed spirits go
To grasp the God we seek;
In rapturous awe on Him to gaze,
Who bought the sight for me;
And shout and wonder at His grace
Through all eternity!

I'll be honest, the word 'heck' could/should be replaced with another four letter word.

Working Unpaid overtime is like having sex with Pandas

2009-01-10T14:46:00.002Z

Link

Times like this I wish I was in america

2009-01-07T00:32:00.005Z

Seriously, their TV is so entertaining!

England on the other hand, we have stuff like this:

click!

Go England!

About last night (or 'A few things about me you might not know')

2009-01-05T17:40:00.007Z

When I start falling asleep I tend to 'hear' music, not songs that I know I might add and not full songs at that. It's almost like when you're in the shower and you can hear music being played somewhere, you know you recognise it, but can't hear it enough to make it out completely.

I sometimes hear snippets of dialogue.

I go cross eyed (this happens mostly when I'm trying to stay awake in a meeting of some sort (I counter this by looking around the room to keep my eyes on their toes...so to speak.)

Anyway, with the whole music and dialogue thing in mind, I started trying to get into the habit of making a record of it somehow. You never know, it might come in handy some day when trying to save the world. (Now that would be cool.) So, on my phone there are random notes and obscure recordings of me (in a semi concious state) trying to recreate what I just heard whilst...in a semi concious state.

Last night, I was reading my book and heard the odd sound of music and took that as a cue to get some sleep. Many thoughts decided to take up space in my head so I decided to put on some real music to chill me out and send me off to sleep.

as the song started I dreamt and I'll try and describe what I saw.
It was like bluely/purple sand flowing diagonally downwards and it had ripples that seemed to be the notes from the opening guitar riff.

The sand looked so smooth in how it flowed it almost looked like liquid. It grew darker and then the ripples seemed to become more wavy until it they were now horizontal waves, these waves then became the outline of a torso, hip and leg. This half outline became a full silhouette of a beautiful woman. I couldn't see what she looked like (being a silhouette and all) but I couldn't take my eyes off her. I began to forget the music and where it had started. Then I said to myself

"When we worship we make something of beauty, we must not get distracted by what we have made, but let us be distracted by what causes us to worship."

I awoke, wrote it down and went back to sleep. It was easier this time, no music necessary.

Photoshop

2009-01-03T15:12:00.002Z

I was just browsing YouTube and came across some very good photoshop instructional videos by a character called 'Donnie Hoyle'. Donnie "is the worst kind of loser. He’s the equivalent of an angry son borne of Michael Scott and Comic Book Guy using Photoshop as a means of figuratively rectifying the problems he can’t address in real life." Check him out. Oh yeah, contains some naughty language.

Anyway, so after watching a bunch of his videos I came across a video on the use of photoshop in magazines and the effect it has on people's perceptions. It was quite interesting so I thought I would share.

and the follow up is quite good too.

What do you think on the use of photoshop? Is it lying? Should it be made clear like health warnings on cigarettes?

Looking forward

2009-01-01T00:44:00.003Z

2008 has been interesting for me, full of firsts and new experiences; heres a quick rundown:

I walked out of my job
I got signed off work with stress
I was out of work more than I was in it
I started and finished a list of people I needed to get in contact with and apologise to.
I led worship at church (didn't blog about that)
I over came my fear of heights
I read aloud some of my attempts at poetry to friends
I went to momentum
I fasted and was blown away by the experience
I plastered a wall
I briefly met up with my dad
I became an uncle
I grew closer to my family and extended family
I looked in the mirror and felt fat
I dressed as an Elf
I saw Mel and Joshua
I started training with the Samaritans
I felt very 'up' in my relationship with God
I didn't have a relationship with God
I realised I want to be more consistent. I've felt 2008 was a time in which I have wondered and been beckoned back numerous time. I've been challenged and shaped, broken and buzzing

Oh wait, that reminds me! I got high. No really I did. Took some herbal high Hallucinogens, smoked some weed and then talked rubbish for a good few hours. I have a video that I'll probably upload sometime to show you how REALLY pointless it is. In the shower the next day I was like "ok God, I've got the whole 'what if' thing out of my system, thanks for letting me get though it without anything bad happening" then I went to work and realised I couldn't construct a sentence for toffee (which is unhelpful when working in a call center).

anyway, alot of stuff happened in 2008, I really haven't lived a year like it.
So what of 2009? Where to from here?

Well. I feel, in all of my wonderings, God's patience and then more wonderings, the stuff that has been delt with this year has been in preparation for the next part of life. I don't really know what the future holds, but here's what I want to do.

I want to get fitter, mostly based on the fact getting out of breath just running up to my bedroom is lame, but also my friend pointing out 1 Corinthians ch 6 v 19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

I want get and keep a job I feel I can actually do and feel secure in.

I want to be consistant with this whole faith thing, to have a relationship I can say is about two way communication not wondering, patience and more wondering. I think I've been quite childish about it all really for too long. Time to grow up, take on board what has been learned and move with it.

I would like to pursue this worship leading itch and see where that goes.

In all of this though, God keep me sincer, keep me humble. Actually scrap all that before, God give me eyes to see and ears to hear what you're doing, help me want to go with what you're doing in 2009.

Oh wait, one resolution I do want to do, I want to live out my surname.
It sounds corny, but let my life motto be "Brave in battle, Brave in life".

Oh yes!

You're Our boy

2008-12-27T00:26:00.007Z

You are Our Child.
You are Our Son.

It's an honour to watch you slowly but surely transform into a Man.

(note to self: Don't leave your blog open then pass your brother the laptop.

"No, he's your nephew, not your son, son, I mean brother. oh brother!

It's an honour to watch you slowly but surely transform into a Man. let's not get ahead of ourselves here, he's not but 8 months old.")

Interesting that he would say that.
It was once agreed by the four of us that because our dad wasn't a very good one, we had all learnt from each other as we grew up. Essentially Fathering each other through life and I hold firm to that belief. So when I say he is my Son, yes, he is.
And the transformation? Well...

itty bitty update

2008-12-19T01:07:00.002Z

Lost my job.
Father decided he wanted to leave me a voicemail.
Am finding it hard to get to sleep.
Joined a covers band.
< /sigh>

2008-12-06T15:08:00.001Z

Ha, so, anyone remember when I said I spoke to Tim Hughes at Soul Survivor a couple of years back saying how his song 'Everything' is pretty much impossible to sing in church? Well...

Oh yeah, you might find it will play better if you make your browser window smaller.

2008-12-06T11:05:00.001Z

odd place

2008-12-06T00:18:00.004Z

it's been an interesting day.

I could almost hear God say "well, you wanted to be in a position where you had to rely on me didn't you?" and I couldn't help but laugh aloud.

I'll rewind a bit.

1 hour previously I was called by the agency I work for and was asked to come into the office after work for a chat. Seeing as I was busy straight after work, I offered to come in while on my lunch.

40 minutes previously I was walking back to work to clear my desk, my phone rings and I speak to a friend, then bump into another. We talk and I then I remember that I'll now need some money, I walk back to a cash machine to withdraw some money then, realising I will need change buy a 'choco dip', a parting gift.

So I now have my change to pay the sandwich guy, my choco dip to give to the nice person who sits on my table and think "that the hell am I going to do?" and then he says ...

It's not what I had in mind actually. To be told and to acknowledge you're pretty crap isn't my idea of fun. Actually, it really hurts. I'm not consistent, it looks terrible that I'm 24 and the longest I've ever worked in one place is two years and I walked out of that job. It's painful to face up the fact that in the 8 years since my GCSEs I've amounted a pile of life experience and not much else.

I wasn't really in the mood for going to Samaritans (which I now volunteer at, never mentioned that before but there we go). I feel like I'm meant to be there.

ever just wanted to control c your heart? < /sigh>

2008-12-04T20:25:00.003Z

he wears his heart on his sleeve and ignores the choices he should make, he cuts off his own nose to spite his own face

I fear this may be my fate

2008-11-28T18:48:00.004Z

I am but a donkey

2008-11-17T22:27:00.002Z

ok, so the story I was going to post to illestrate the title seems to be lost on the internet so I'll have to come back to that in a minute. Firstly though, watch this again, maybe you missed a bit the first time.

Anyway, so, at momentum Mike P was retelling a story of a little donkey telling his mother about the day he had.

"mum mum, you wouldn't believe the day I had! There I was minding my own business having a rest when a stranger walks up to me, unties me from my post and leads me away from the nice oats I was eating. The next thing I know I'm walking into down with some guy on my back, and the crowds are going wild! They're cheering me on, going crazy for me Mum! They even took of their coats and layed them on the ground so I didn't have to walk through the dirt! They loved me, they REALLY loved me Mum!"
to which his mother responds
"little donkey, you are such a donkey. It wasn't you they were cheering, it was the man you were carrying."

So there I was, packing up on sunday after playing the guitar at the service. I was wearing my hat because I hadn't done my hair and I thought it looked 'cool' with my jumper (never mind the fact it made me sweat like crazy). Then this woman came up to me and said "well I think what you did was amazing, it was such an eye opener" to which I responded:
"well, thanks, um, I did practice quite a bit before hand" and then like a lightning bolt I could almost hear the words "little donkey, you are such a donkey" as I realised how alike I was dressed to the youth group who took part in slum survivor the night before and how she was mistaking me for one of them.

Such a donkey.

(secretly, I want to be this)

2008-11-15T02:26:00.001Z

bit of an update

2008-10-28T00:24:00.002Z

so, I think the last time I bloggededed I was working at opencontact, they are a norwich based indian call center. Fun. Wasn't the best job in the world, though, I'm not sure what I was expecting, however money is money and, I love to use, commas,

The only problem I had with the place (apart from the huge responsiblity of having to answer phones) was my concern it was going to interfer with me starting volunteering with the samaritans (just as a word of explaination, I decided to volunteer with the samaritians as a way of getting some experience of counciling). I mean, the idea of being on the phone all day to sometimes grumpy customers and then spending an extra 4 hours speaking to less happy people didn't seem exactly perfect in my eyes. Fortunatly for me, opencontact needed to get rid of some staff so they kindly "let me go" on my day of (thursday). Friday morning I was then called by the agency who wanted me to come in for a chat about a job, it was with the probation service and quicker then you can say "oh bum, I think I should go check on my pie in the oven, back in a sec..." I was offered the job covering a years maternity leave and I started on the tuesday. Pretty darn sweet I feel...apart from the fact I come face to file (see what I did there?) of what seems to be my entire middle school class. Actually, I need to say this, it's really really sadening me how much the kids who had it tough when we were 10 have run into trouble now. If it wasn't for the fact I REALLY don't want to, I would get back into youth work quicker then you could say "oh bay, that pie is lookingh good!". Its tugging on my heart.

Oh, from now on, I use paragraphs on my own terms, oh wait, it's always been like that.

Anyway, so I'm working there. I have to admit I'm finding the processes very illogical and because of that hard to pick up. That said, the job is really easy so it's sometimes quite infuryating.

Sams is good. I was really struggling with it but on sunday finished the training and will start listening in on calls with my mentor on saturday. I'm REALLY excited about it.

um, what else? Oh, got in contact with Mel a bit, that was quite nice, turns out she is doing an OU introduction to counciling so that's really good. I was round her mum's a few weeks ago to sort out her laptop and it was crazy to see how much Josh has grown up. I miss not seeing them anymore (actually that should read I wish I was still a part of their lives) but she sounds happy with I can't remember his name and, well, it must be for the best. I was a terrible...forget it.

What else? Oh, I had a bash at leading worship at OG. I've had a listen back to the recording and, well, I dunno what to say really, I would like to do it again but I'm in no hurry. Interestingly though, someone came up to me this evening and complimented me. I didn't know he was at the service and he thought I led normally. So the fact he thought I had done it before was a nice thing, didn't feel even a sniff of brain ego swelling, however he said something about worship at OG being very female focused and think I might know what he means, but that said, it was something I sometimes thought but never said. I think I might have to ask about what other people's views are. Are men feeling left out (that probably could be worded differently) in the worship at OG?

I realised recently how much I associate God with my guitar.
Maybe everyone else is very holy, but I'm not. I still struggle with the idea that God isn't an angry dad who has to cool off before I can be with him. He welcome us always, regardless of what we have said or done moment before. It's us that put up the barrier.
Anyway, so if I'm feeling particularly like a sinner I won't pray, I won't read my bible, I won't listen to Michael W Smith (that was a joke by the way, everyone knows Michael W Smith is a satanist, try listening to his music backwards.) However, what I didn't realise is I don't play my guitar, I seem to have the same aversion to playing the guitar that I would to praying or reading the bible. Weird.

So, it's 1am, I should have gone to bed but I started making a fish pie for my lunch tomorrow about 2 hours ago so I think I had best start tidying up and go to bed. Night!

short list?

2008-10-26T23:40:00.007Z

So, about a life time ago I said I had been listening to songs that I would like to introduce to the 'playlist' of the OG group of musicians who lead people in worship.

Alot of the stuff I liked though seemed completely unsuitable. However, I think I've finally got to the point where I feel comfortable with even suggesting some.

They are:

I adore you by Phil Wickham (lead in this case by Chris Quilala)
Ok by mutemath
Thank You by Jeff Searles & Daniel Wittington (lead in this case by Everyone) ...?
My Romance by someone (lead in this case by Melissa Wise)

There is actually a couple of others but I want to go to bed.

What do you think? I would appreciate your thoughts.

Check out the drummers tash!!

interesting

2008-10-14T15:47:00.002Z

taken from a email I just read:

"If you need healing, deliverance, and a fresh impartation of the Holy Spirit then come and get some so you can give some away."

Does the Holy Spirit get stale?

something like goosebumps

2008-10-08T23:06:00.004Z

the new brave Saint Saturn album came today and it feels like this song grabbed me by the face and forced me to listen.

not enough time to say anything worth while however

2008-09-11T11:33:00.000Z

It's been a while and I couldn't resist or "sorry chaps I'm a little drunk and feel a state after sleeping rough last night, let me lean on this wall'

2008-08-07T21:03:00.003Z

link

#4

2008-08-05T23:08:00.002Z

At 8:33 this morning I called #4's mum's house to get their phone number so I could call them (monday night didn't quite go exactly how I planned). Much to my surprise (and their's) #4 answered the phone. (Didn't see that one coming).
After the weirdness had passed I explained I had called to get their number because I wanted to have a chat. They gave me their mobile and landline number, said they were busy this evening and we went on with our day.

Stolen faith

2008-08-05T22:53:00.003Z

I've been getting to know a friend of mine alot more recently and faith has come up quite alot. Now, I'm not really going to be explict in my details but I'll just say this, on his year out he said God spoke to him very clearly saying that he loved him exactly for who he was. I can remember at the time thinking how incredible this was and I also remember seeing him worshiping at fridays with everything he had and being inspired. He had this amazing relationship with God that I've not see in anyone in ages, this passionate, real relationship of love for his God.

However, the 'christians' he came into contact with made him feel he wasn't good enough and that God didn't love him for who he was. As he explained this to me this evening I couldn't help but feel a deep sadness for him and I did well up at points, I was also burning with anger.

How dare anyone attack and steal someone's faith like that.
How dare they!?

Ok, maybe I was wrong

2008-08-03T20:09:00.001Z

Probably one of the funniest Jackie Chan scenes ever

2008-08-03T20:02:00.001Z

Memory lane

2008-08-02T22:54:00.002Z

http://igotideasbut.blogspot.com/2006/09/oh-my-heavenly-dad.html

I just found this, and really wanted to comment and offer some words of encouragement, unfortunately, while blogger has left beta they didn't include time travel in their design plans.

Home

2008-08-02T22:30:00.002Z

It's all a bit funny at the moment.
On thursday a friend and I packed up my life in to boxes and many many carrier bags (truly the best way to pack) and took them to Pete's house where I will be living for the next twenty or so days and well...I miss home, I miss bakers road, I miss my bed and my pc set up how I like it, I miss my stereo and how my speakers can vibrate the room, I miss my sofa and the chilledness of it all. I feel very welcome here, but it doesn't feel like home.

ah mate

2008-08-02T10:32:00.001Z

still can't believe she was 13...that's just so wrong.

Odd day and other stuff

2008-08-01T22:41:00.002Z

So, I just found out the girl I was dancing with at Mr and Mrs Ward's wedding was about 13...

Anyway.

No wait...why the heck didn't someone say something!? Seriously, right there is the reason why I don't want daughters. Better still, I just realised I managed to get a load of black stuff on my hand without realising so I now have a nice black smear across my face. Sweet!

The list, I've been thinking alot about it recently. There is one more to go and I really feel this is something that I should only be doing while I'm 23, (according to the internet "Dave's Real Age: 23.989"). I've found this all to be quite a weird experience, I don't normally make it a habit to drag up old news, past uncomfortable conversations and very much 'cu next thursday'ish things I've done. I still shy away from these sort of situations however I sometimes catch myself in a moment saying "mate, look at the example you've set yourself so far, keep at it, face this situation".

Meeting #3 didn't go how I expected it to. We arranged to meet so I could 'say my piece' face to face however, things didn't really go to plan and I ended up saying it over the phone. I decided that while I valued face to face conversation, what I needed to say and the appology was way more important and so couldn't wait. We arranged to meet in a pub a few hours later and (after I arrived an hour late) it was like nothing had changed thank God! There was a whole ton of catching up and laughter, at one point the entire pub went silent because of us...well it was mostly number 3...I kinda wish I could speak about this person by name so you would know how much this means to me, but I feel it wrong to name drop so I won't. Later that night I managed to lock my keys in my bike so my friend's brother drove us back to Norwich from Wymondham to find my spare key, then took me back again to get my bike, then I drove home again. Don't think I got home til about 2am which sucked as I had work at 9 the next day. Ouch.

I think I've said before but this person just seems to find it so easy to give love to people. I find being with them incredibly challenging as I think this person exhibits and shows grace to other more than anyone I know of in church. So yeah, I'm really happy. A friendship have been restored by the grace of God. And the weird thing is, this person said "it's strange, you always seem to pop back in my life just when I need you the most". Please pray for them and their family.

So on to being 23.989 years of age. I'm repeating myself, but this needs to be complete by the time I'm 24. (Funny thing, when I was 22 I said I didn't feel like Jon Foreman, I'm begining to feel like I am now. I'll explain that another day.) I view this as a journey God has been taking me on regardless of how I'm acting. I mean, apart from the other night, I haven't really read my bible in a while, apart from short mumbles, I haven't really prayed, but I'm really getting into this worship thing and seem to have this sense of God nudging and poking me in the right direction, again, regardless of my actions. I almost view it as a parent who has stopped talking...no, that's not it, chooses to communicate by leaving post it notes on the stairs for their child to read while staggering up the stairs at 4am.

So yeah, #4, as always, now doesn't feel like right time, IT NEVER DOES, but then again, the right time will never come. I gotta go for it.

Can you play this?

2008-08-01T08:49:00.000Z

Shorter grumble or "even the greatest of minds can be stupid at times"

2008-07-29T21:07:00.002Z

If you do a white wash, I think common sense would generally tell you "when it's finished, put it in a wash bag to protect your clean shirts from any dirt", so where does the "take it out, get coffee on it and then leave it on the sofa" come into it?

short grumble

2008-07-29T18:04:00.002Z

So I'm sure you've been there, a house full people and washing up becomes an issue.

I'm not really one to moan at people to get theirs done, I would sooner wash up someone else's so I can use the items I want before I say anything. I suppose that's part of my whole argument avoidance I thinking I have in most (honest) domestic situations. So what bugs me? People who aren't amazing at doing their washing up (I'm one of them by the way, did I mention that?) watching someone spend a good half an hour cleaning the kitchen and then asking them to do the odd items that are left over from preparing food before work as if they have been there all week! I mean, neeerrr!

Now that I've vented, I'm going back to packing my life into boxes that have yet to arrive.

Bloggage

2008-07-28T23:52:00.003Z

So I really should be in bed right now, but the kitchen is now tidy and my lunch is cooked and packed ready to go so I thought I'd best make use of the cool of the night.

Eh...that said, I've just flicked on to my previous post to use it as a guide on what I want to say and to be honest, this isn't going to be a 5 minute post.

Ah well... another time maybe

things I should blog on

2008-07-27T23:15:00.002Z

Person 3.
Done, dusted, felling great.
Moving out-
Ahhh, need to pack, going on thursday
Person 4-
What to say, the end of this bit in my life
God-
Doing what I've asked and then noticing it, asking questions and not ever getting answers.

But I need to go to bed so that'll just have to be another one of my "I'll blog this another time" but never materialising post.

Amos 5.21-24 / Isaiah 1:11-17

2008-07-16T08:43:00.002Z

So what I love about this song is it (for me) captures what God is saying, the beat down of telling the readers they've got it all wrong, however I think Jon captures God's heart when he says "Instead let there be a flood of justice!" "Give love to the ones who can’t love at all, Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all, Stand up for the ones who can’t stand at all".
Reading the text and listening to the song, it's not a shouting rant, it's a strong rebuke with a practical instruction. That's cool. I like that.

Amos Isaiah

The Divine Conspiracy (Unabridged)

2008-07-08T13:48:00.000Z

I just bought it off Audible.co.uk and I'm enjoying it thus far.
Only 17 and half hours to go.
That is all.

This wednesday

2008-07-06T23:42:00.002Z

Person 3 is back in Norwich, we're meeting up and while I'm kinda anxious about what I'm going to say I can't wait to see them. It's been too long since we last met up for a drink (the last time I drank myself into a horrible state because I knew I had totally messed things up and didn't know how to deal with it, I'll tell you this for free, waiting for the next train home from canturbury at 9am when the world is still spinning is a horrible feeling...although, I did take a photo because I knew one day I'd be able to look back on that moment and laugh. That day hasn't quite come yet.) and talked and while I don't feel in any way it's going to be easy, I know it will be worth it in the end.

Having my hand pushed

2008-07-06T17:53:00.002Z

I was on facebook last night, person three was online and I thought "I don't want to be having this conversation now" so I signed out of facebook chat and went on with what I was doing. About 5 minutes later I got a message pop up and it turned out I wasn't signed out.
I didn't want to start this conversation on facebook chat but it seems I didn't have a choice in the matter. I don't feel ready. I don't feel good about this. I'm annoyed at myself it's only been them making the effort to get in contact and I've been bottling out. I've just text them asking if it's ok to call like we arranged last night, not got a response as yet.

The thing that makes makes me sick to the stomach is that this person loves, they really have a grasp of what love and grace actually are and I feel so stupid as 'the christian' who seems to miss the point that they've thought about and got all along.

"Is there there a person four?"
"unfortunately, yes"

wow, and I thought I was a muppet

2008-07-06T16:06:00.000Z

I feel quite reassured now.

Gotta love the Welsh Locals!

2008-07-04T17:47:00.001Z

CLICKY! CLICKY!

BBC News

2008-07-01T21:53:00.000Z

"...we prayed to Jesus..."

just had a work out

2008-06-29T23:12:00.001Z

and by golly I'm gonna be sore in the morning.
Feels GREAT!

coversation

2008-06-29T00:37:00.000Z

7:20pm Benvolio
how you doin babe?

7:20pm David
how's it going blood?
I'm good thanks
think I've finally worked out this website thing
and how it could work

7:21pm Benvolio
go on then

7:21pm David
which I'm pretty chuffed about
ah
not yet
I need to speak to a few people first

7:22pm Benvolio
which people?
run the concept by me

7:22pm David
you about tommorrow?

7:22pm Benvolio
n0ap

7:23pm David
The concept is simple, getting people listening to the music they want to find

7:23pm Benvolio
...
explain fully wihle I great chease

7:23pm David
nah, I really think facebook is lame for speaking over
I need to write things down
sketch some stuff
but I think I've got the FUNdamentals sorted in my head

7:25pm Benvolio
well if you can't explain in a few sentences what the basic premise is then it sounds like the core idea is too complicated
but I'll manage your operations division when you're a trillionare

7:27pm David
heh

7:28pm Benvolio
seriously - what do you mean let people lsiten to what they want?

7:28pm David
it's not about making money
I mean goth kids who have just become christians
and are gutted that they have to stop listening to the music they like
and walk away from parts of the culture that make them who they are
I mean youth workers who want to use music and music videos as a way of cummunicating the gospel

7:29pm Benvolio
so your website is an introduction to Christian music to a young demographic?

7:30pm David
I mean parents who don't want to say "stop listening to that music" to their kids because they are affaid they will 'rebel' and want to give them music they feel comfortable them listening to

7:31pm Benvolio
so it's for parents?

7:32pm David
its for parents
kids
youthworkers
the curious

7:33pm Benvolio
okay...
So to put it in a phrase, it's a website to offer a general introduction to contemporary Christian music

7:34pm David
it's for young (or older) christians who want to share music with people without having to ignore how much their faith may(or may not, I'm trying to change that) reflect their tastes in music
why general?
why does it have to be an introduction?
why be limited like that?
why not cover all genres
?

7:35pm Benvolio
is not limitiong... is trying to get a clear statement of what you're trying to acheive. lucidity is a virture when outlining the concept

7:36pm David
the idea is to bring everyone in on it
to make it just right for that person
so they see the content they want

7:37pm Benvolio
what is the main competition?

7:37pm David
ha
um
christianbands.co.uk

7:38pm Benvolio
how will you do it differently?

7:39pm David
have you even been on that site?

7:39pm Benvolio
no

7:39pm David
well I think you'll see

7:40pm Benvolio
lol
if your page loads without a php error message it'll be better already

7:41pm David
haha, that was my point!

le sigh

2008-06-26T21:55:00.002Z

Today I was trying to learn all about how to take Go Ape orders but all I could think about was naked lady folk.

neh.

Couple of things

2008-06-23T23:32:00.003Z

I'm currently working in a call centre type place and you know what I like about it? No Paper work! So that's all nice, and I like the fact I'm actually earning money, however, (yes, there is a however) I've got to start learning how to do a new product this week- Go Ape.

If you haven't heard about Go Ape, basically you walk about tree tops about 40 feet in the air and climb on things and jump off things... here we find our problem, I'm really scared of heights. It goes back to a climbing trip I went on with my school in year 7. The instructor decided it would be "funny" to let me drop a bit while abseiling and after I went off and had a bit of a cry I was left with my confidence in tatters. Tomorrow I will be visiting Go Ape and going all around it so I can speak to customers and talk about my own experience of it all and I'm pretty scared.

Speaking of scared and being a coward, I didn't contact person 3. Part of me wants to wait for them to call me, but the other part of me knows it will mean SO much more to them if I make the first move. Maybe after I've completed the course I will take my new found confidence and apply it to something useful like my relationships with other people.

oh, and I'd also like to learn the cello, I tried asking if anyone had one I could have or borrow on free cycle but got no responses. If you know anyone, please let me know. (that said, I'm pretty sure cellos are crazy expensive so I'm not really surprised.)

Oi! Check this out.

2008-06-22T23:55:00.003Z

(The House of God forever, taken from Jon Foreman's new EP)

E and stuff

2008-06-22T00:15:00.004Z

No update on person 3, will give them a call tomorrow (the time I suggested wasn't suitable).

I've been playing around on my guitar with what I think is call the open E tunning which is instead of E A D G B E it's E A E E B E.

Apart from the inital "oh no, I can't play G to D to Csus2!" like I would normal out of habbit, it's been rather fun making new sounds, finding really easy ways to play songs normally not 'complete' on an accoustic guitar (e.g Chris Tomlin's version of 'When I Survey the Wondrous Cross' which I just found has Matt Redman in it...?). What I mean by 'complete is what makes that song (in my opinion) is the bassline and that's pretty hard to do when playing by yourself on an accoustic. Open E tuning solves that.

Anyway, so I'm playing alot more...and writting lyrics. Last week (or was it the week before) I had written something and done a quick demo recording using my phone. It was "very bland" and "even tim hughes and matt redman would find it monotonous" apparently so the other day I had a bash at doing it again using open E tuning and I actually like it alot more.
There is one chord that I have no idea what it is, HOWEVER I do know it was featured in a track called Chaos by Unkle at about 54 seconds in after the line "feeling more dead than alive".

	unkle - chaos.mp3

	Found at skreemr.com

I forgot how much I loved that song. I think I spent the summer of 2002 listening to that on loop as I lay in the sun. Brilliant!

Also, that reminds me, U.N.K.L.E did track called 'Rabbit In Your Headlight' which I happen to believe has one of the best music videos I've ever seen. A bit disturbing but what a finish! (also, this video was banned for a while, and interesting fact, the same company who did the effects in this, did the Guiness video that featured the horses running in the sea. Remember that one?)

Person number three

2008-06-16T22:32:00.002Z

"Dave, I've just had a thought- why is it that we've lost contact? Then another one - it's silly that we've lost contact, so consider this as me bridging the void. X"

I didn't expect that.

"Hey, I've been thinking long and hard about that for ages. And while I know the answer, I feel it would be wrong of me to text you my thoughts. I also feel I'm too tired to be able to call you and say exactly what I mean (and what I should). If it's OK with you, can I call you at around 6ish tomorrow evening?"

Your prayers appreciated.
*deep breath*

View the video for "I Can Barely Breathe"

2008-06-12T09:51:00.000Z

Manchester Orchestra "I can barely breathe"

Life with God in it and how it relates to being kicked in the crotch

2008-06-09T13:08:00.004Z

This morning my housemate and I met for bacon sandwiches and read the bible. It's something we haven't done for a while, this is mostly due to me sleeping in til about 11 and him being really busy but it's always really cool.

Anyway, so we were reading 1 Peter in which is a part (verses 3 to 9) which says:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!
In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

I can't remember when, but at some point during reading 1 Peter the conversation goes
"Wow, it's just struck me, God wants all of me in exchange for all of him"
"Sounds like a pretty good deal to me!"

Later in the day after grabbing some lunch at Anglia Square my house mate was singing (to himself) "purify my heart, let me be as gold or precious silver" (classic song, at the bottom of this post) then he stops.
"That's a song taken from 1 Peter isn't it?"
"Yeah, I think so"
"So I'm singing a song asking for suffering!"
"Yeah, pretty much..."
"I think I better think more about what I sing, that's a pretty big ask I'm not sure I want to ask for suffering." (pretty fair point really)
"Yeah...you said earlier that it's pretty mind blowing that God wants to exchange all of you for all of him. I suppose there is a price to be paid and if you think about it, it's kind worth it...Could I kick you in the nuts for a million pounds?"
"heh, yeah!"
"Can I kick you in the nuts everyday for a week for 7 million?...obviously, if you're guaranteed that you don't get testicular cancer or anything"
"Yeah...I suppose so"
"Surely, if that suffering is worth it, how much more is having and knowing God completely?"
"Fair point."

purify my heart - Praise

and yeah, I know, I know, the choir kinda makes it cheesy. Shame really.

Sunday

2008-06-09T10:18:00.003Z

Yesterday at OG was very cool.

The congregation seemed to be like how it used to be. People responded, people prayed for each other, thorns were being pulled out.

It was good to be back to normal again.