Saturday, 17 June 2006

My wrath was poured out

The other, I mean last night...erm, thursday night, yeah thats it, anyway, on thursday night I was poking around the cupboards in my house looking for something to eat and I found Ben's bag of flour with a hole in the bottom, (not the normal hole you would imagine), it looked like it had been...dare I say this out loud?
In shock I scampered up the stairs and informed my noble house mate to which I got the response "Dave, its 1am, I really don't care!"

Fair point I thought.

So I went to see if I could find whatever caused this travesty (I have been wanting to use that word since I started this ramble), in my searching I found a slug.

Not only was this a slug but it was a slimey one.

Not only was this a slug that was slimey but...wait for it....
IT WAS EATING THE FLOUR THAT SPILT ON THE SHELF! For about 2 minutes I stood mesmerized by this fearsome beast, it was only on closer inspection that I did make my most shocking discovery of the evening.
Slugs. Have. LIPS!

Why didn't anyone tell me!?
Why did I reach the 22nd year of my without knowing this piece of knowledge!?
Or maybe I knew it all along but was in denial...
It was strange, I was quite angry, this slug was mocking me with every chomp and lick of his lips. So, I did what any self respecting man would do, I reached for the closest thing I could use as a weapon and brandished it in a menacing way, and then with one mighty swing of my arm and a sharp flick of my wrist, a fine shower of sea salt rained down on my adversary.

It was a strange thing to watch, it was almost like he was melting, liquid seemed to just appear from nowhere and it kinda sunk into itself (no, don't misunderstand, it was a slug, not a snail...or a stimpy for that matter. And yes, I am referring to that episode of Ren and Stimpy when Stimpy gets inside his belly button and disappeared.)

Erm, can't be bothered to write more, basically, I poured out my salty wrath on it until it was completely covered, washed it off later and it had gone all small and hard and white.

Thats what you get if you don't tell me about your lips.


1 comment:

sparkles said...

he he - that's really quite random