Friday, 15 September 2006

I'm dissatisfied

[21:38] Her: il just spend my night shopping on the internet!!
[21:38] Me: I think
[21:38] Me: I'll go make myself some tea
[21:38] Her: good idea
[21:38] Me: I've only had an egg salad sandwich all day
[21:38] Her: you dilly!!
[21:38] Her: you'll waste away
[21:39] Me: its kinda weird
[21:39] Me: councilor types would say its a form of self harm
[21:39] Me: but I kinda like forcing my body to do what I feel like doing
[21:40] Me: rather than what it wants
[21:40] Me: I have no plans to slim
[21:40] Me: or
[21:40] Me: stave myself
[21:40] Me: cos I'm hungry
[21:40] Me: but I'll eat when I choose to
[21:40] Me: not when my appitie says
[21:40] Me: so
[21:41] Her: yeh that is weird. . .if my body wants food it gets food. . . . . . . c im different my body chooses when i eat
[21:41] Me: hehe
[21:41] Her: :P
[21:41] Her: go eat food
[21:42] Me: yeah I will do
[21:42] Me: I dunno
[21:42] Me: its kinda like this
[21:42] Me: I want to be in control
[21:42] Me: over mind and body
[21:43] Her: why?
[21:43] Me: because
[21:43] Me: I'm stupid, I make so many mistakes
[21:43] Me: bad decisions
[21:43] Me: everything
[21:43] Her: join the club
[21:43] Me: I want to be more disclipined
[21:44] Me: in how I live
[21:44] Me: I'm sick of my halfarse living
[21:44] Her: yeh but the answer isnt controlling when to eat is it?
[21:44] Me: no
[21:44] Me: its not
[21:44] Me: its just a random thing I'm doing today
[21:45] Me: like when I run
[21:45] Me: I will run until I say stop
[21:45] Me: not when my body gives up
[21:45] Me: if i do weights
[21:45] Me: I will keep going until I am happy
[21:45] Me: not when my girl like arms fail
[21:45] Her: he he really?
[21:46] Me: yeah
[21:46] Me: its hard
[21:46] Me: if I'm being honest with someone
[21:46] Me: I want to be completely transparent
[21:46] Me: to the point where it hurts
[21:47] Me: I want to be hot or cold not just boring and lukewarm
[21:47] Her: so basically you want verything to the extreme
[21:47] Me: no
[21:47] Me: maybe not
[21:48] Me: I just don't want to keep living life how it is now
[21:48] Me: I want more
[21:49] Me:

(I was gonna go on to link this to my faith and less half arseness, but the conversation changed)

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