Tuesday 14 August 2007

RE: hi

Hmmm, (oh, I'm just gonna add this little bit here, I've just finished the first paragraph and by the looks of things, its gonna be a rambly one!)
 
So in the process of jigging my email about so it looks how I want (if you can't customise that's the point eh?) I just found this email. (que the tangent) Sorry, how rude of me, how are you friend? Seems like its been a while! From what I've seen online, you have another beautiful baby girl in your life. I generally don't like well wishing via the internet as its so inpersonal, but I'm off to Soul Survivor this saturday so probabaly won't be seeing you until september. SO, congratulations to you!
 
Its weird, my brother got married! He has a wife! (He's all grown up!). It was a beautiful day (august 4th) all the family were there and I got to meet all my cousins (which, range from 1 year to 14) and run my self silly. All in all, a perfect weekend.
 
Anyway, back to the email.
I find it slightly amusing how much knowing Mel (even though I've barely seen her since december) has taught me about myself. All in all, my first email about pretty much sums me up at the moment. This leads me to think that all this stuff I said she didn't quite fully understand, I didn't really understand myself. (maybe if I did I would have delt with it all alot better huh?). I almost want to contact her and say "yes! It's taken 8 months but I get you now!"...but I don't think that would go down hugely well ;)
 
I suppose the question arises "what brought this up?", well, as I've have said before, the car journey with Pete wasn't amazing, that video on youtube, "if I'm honest I think" (- a phase I have noticed I say when I actually mean it but don't feel stating something outright is a good thing) playing too much bass in church (more brackets, more tangents - if you listen to me playing, you can easily spot if I am worshiping or if I'm just playing, when I worship, I think I'm pretty good, when I'm just playing I'm abismal. I think I've made progress, I can comment on my playing and give myself credit without thinking I'm bigging myself up.) In saying that, the last two times I played, if I'm honest I did almost view it as a gig, all about playing and looking good. Silly really.
 
On the subject of worship, I found myself at a Jesus Army house (feeling slightly weirded out) on thursday playing bass with some of their young people. There was this guy called Jake, who imho (haven't said that in ages!) was a worship leader. He was 17, had been playing a year and was annoyingly good (when I complained to Emma she suggested practicing of all things). By leading, it was like he was going somewhere and getting everyone in the room to follow, pretty darn cool. It seems I'm fulla contradictions at the moment, I wrote the 4th paragraph and then get impressed by a worship leader.
 
You said a few months ago that I was complicated. I wish that wasn't the case. I wish everything was black and white again.
 
Kato - Good band, I've been flicking though all the christian music on my mp3 player (which makes for pretty short listening) but Kato are the only one's I've listened to the whole album. Good reassuring music.
 
I've been saying for a while, way before I shaved my head, that something needs to change. Something has got to happen. I've realised over recent months I'm so indifferent. I have such a couldn't care less attittude about so many things. Of all of my friends there are only a very small few I would really be bothered about if I didn't see them again. If at first I don't succeed, I give up. I'm more likely to say "I can't be 4r$ed" than say, "cool, let's go for it!". If I upset someone I will sit and do nothing rather than deal with it. I know loads of people, but pretty much all of these relationships are based on small talk.
 
:/   <- Sums things up quite well I think so.
 
We'll see what Soul Survivor brings eh?
Hmmm, I might blog this and be done with it, I haven't written anything on there in ages anway
 
 


From: Phil H  
Sent: 09 November 2006 17:24
To: Dave Garcia
Subject: Re: hi

Hi mate,
 
Hope it's OK to reply on this email address.
 
Hol's good. Work is hard because her admin support isn't. We'll both be there at the weekend.
 
There is very little you can do, but it's OK to still feel that it's a bad thing.
 
Do not judge her. She has the right to walk away from God (at least you know that God's not going to walk away from her.)
 
Show her God's power in your life.
 
Phil 
 
-------Original Message-------
 
Date: 11/09/06 10:06:51  <- Note the date here 
To:  Phil H 
Subject: hi
 
Morning mate,
 

Last night was kinda different, went to see Mel, we didn't talk about what I was expecting, but the short of it is this, for a long time I have been telling Mel she doesn't really understand God's Love and his Mercy, I said if she didn't she would just end up getting discouraged and would then just walk away. She has done exactly that, not quite sure how to respond to it, the way we met way that the shoe was on the other foot, but I have no idea what she said to me at the time.

Need to pray for her big time, she said she can't deal with the guilt following God brings, she doesn't want to try any more, she is going to tell her friends.

Its all very sad to be honest.

Last night I gave it to God, but can't help but frown today.
 
Sorry to off load,
Are you ok?
How is Holly? I haven't spoken to my 'make believe' wife in what seems forever!


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1 comment:

sparkles said...

"Something has got to happen. I've realised over recent months I'm so indifferent. I have such a couldn't care less attittude about so many things. Of all of my friends there are only a very small few I would really be bothered about if I didn't see them again. If at first I don't succeed, I give up. I'm more likely to say "I can't be 4r$ed" than say, "cool, let's go for it!". If I upset someone I will sit and do nothing rather than deal with it. I know loads of people, but pretty much all of these relationships are based on small talk."

ditto