"so here l am, thousands of watts of raw bass obliterating the room and l'm trying to workout how worship fits into all this, what of the presence of God? I spent a few minutes contemplating this and realised l'm (potentially) surrounded by hurting people, the abused, the depressed and sucidal, the outcast and unloved, the physically and mentally damaged... and l'm here too. Now if Jesus came to show love to unloved and to serve the least of all people, he would definitely be here. A great thought, now, armed with this insight, on with the roaring bass!"
It's a great thought and something I didn't really pick up on at the time until my house mate got home last night and we had time to discuss it more - The idea that where ever I go, Jesus would be there and revealing himself. It's not a case of I can go somewhere and he wouldn't be there.
Dubstep by its very nature is a very dark type of music. Live events seem to be almost hypnotic with the crowd nodding in time and roaring with praise when the track drops and the bass pushes in like a wave. My first experience at FWD actually got me kinda uneasy, it just seem too dark and I couldn't get it into my head that Jesus would actually be here, I couldn't understand how God's presence could be felt here.
But with my opening paragraph in mind, I started praying. I tried to start running with this idea that, regardless of everyone else, Jesus was here, (even if only for me) and wanted to do stuff. I said "I want to be Your hands and Your feet, I want to bless the ones I meet", and after repeating this for a while, I felt quite strongly that God was speaking to me about two people near me. The first was a guy who I felt God was saying was having trouble with his family life, and so I prayed about his relationship with his parents and stuff like that.
The second was a girl who looked in her mid twenties, and this was the bit I struggled with...
I felt God wanted her to be told she was "good enough", I was confident of this and I didn't know how to tell her. I pained over this for what seemed like ages but finally started writting it down...on my phone. I concluded this was the best way to communicate (even though it was quite easy to talk to people due to the music being generally lower than the frequency of the human voice). So anyway, I wrote it, added more words to try and make it clear I wasn't a complete nutter, then some more words so I was lettting her know she didn't have to listen to a word I was saying, then added some more words but really wasn't sure if there were meant to be there. I edited it, changed the wording and tried to generally work out if I was getting it right and then...she walked away into the crowd.
I'll be honest, I breathed a sigh of relief. I nearly convinced myself that God was like "nice one for even contemplating doing that" as a way to get out of doing anything else, thinking about it now, maybe he did say that...well at least I like to think he did. I said "if I see her again (thinking I wouldn't really) I'll do it" and so, with a heart part relieved and part let down (as it was kinda exciting) I continued with my ass shaking.
Then at about 5am she was back standing behind the friend I had gone with. I paced about, I really struggled with this idea of saying to someone "I believe the God that you might not believe in has something to say to you" but then I did it.
I walked up to her and manged to get her attention, held up my phone to face so she could read it as I shrugged
"Hi,
Um, this might sound a bit weird so feel free to take it or leave it.
I was just praying and really felt you needed to be told "you are good enough, you have what it takes"
so yeah..."
and she smiled a kinda wry smile.
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