Saturday, 10 May 2008

Moving on

I was selling newspapers the other day, it's a job I have done before and I've realised the key to selling lots and making the time fly by is thinking happy thoughts. Anything that makes you smile will do, and for me, I was running and rerunning a conversation I had a with a friend over and over in my head. The conversation goes somewhere along the lines of:

"I've decided, one day I want to come into Tescos after drinking a bottle of red food colouring and 2 litres of milk, I'll do my normal shop until I can take it no longer and explosively vomit it everywhere."

and which point my friend laughs her arse off and agrees to film it.

As I preach the good news of "Half price Evening News! Only 20 pence today!" and hand out another copy to a customer, I can't help but picture the scene of pinky red milk cascading everywhere. I think to myself that 2 litres is alot of milk and wonder if I'll be able to stop myself from laughing.

It was a good day and sold lots and I was in a good mood.

Before I finished for the day, my housemate came into buy some things and he asked me if I would be up for helping out at his youth club and I said yes. It's been 3 years this summer since I did any youthwork but I was surprisingly up for it. I felt I could do it. I haven't felt that in a long time.

The evening cruised by, only a couple of injuries in a not quite to safe game we were playing. My brother called me up and asked if I wanted to hang out as he was in town. Now, while I was very much up for it, I can't really remember the last time I spent some time with my brother and wonder if I ever have gone out with him alone. (Silly for a 23 year old huh?).

As I was cycling up, I had a sense of "I can do this!". Not just going to the cinema, but the things I have been putting off all year. My list.

At the start of the year (...or maybe it was last year) I wrote a mental list of people I needed to apologise to, the tricky bit is none of these people talk to me so to make the first move was big thing. But when i got home, I did it. I contacted my ex girlfriend (of 5 years ago) and after making it quite clear I was neither drunk or trying to be creepy and got on with things I could have done ages ago. Firstly congratulating her on her marriage. Apologising for the silly things I'd done...like ordering her a sex guide on her amazon account 6 months into her relationship with the guy he got with after me and then went on to marry. (I still think it was kinda funny but gave her an amazon voucher to make up for it.) I wished her well and shared a few things from a conversation I'd had about her, all nice stuff I might add and then went to bed.

I felt relieved to have finally said the things I'd been wanting to say for ages and when I got her response, I felt closure and it was good.

So, one down, quite a few more to go, but I'm actually really proud of me, I almost wish I could say this to someone else as if there were me (if that makes sense). I would probably give them a hug, tell them it was good thing they did and maybe give them a bit of space if they wanted to vent or have a bit of a cry. Yeah, that would be good.

Dave, it's good that you've made a start on tackling these things that have caused you so much grief all this time. You can do this, keep going. You'll be a better man for it I promise.

2 comments:

sparkles said...

well encouraged by that post both for you and me, and I AM proud of you.
x

Ben F. Foster Esq. (c) said...

so proud of you. *man hug*