odd place

it's been an interesting day.

I could almost hear God say "well, you wanted to be in a position where you had to rely on me didn't you?" and I couldn't help but laugh aloud.

I'll rewind a bit.

1 hour previously I was called by the agency I work for and was asked to come into the office after work for a chat. Seeing as I was busy straight after work, I offered to come in while on my lunch.

40 minutes previously I was walking back to work to clear my desk, my phone rings and I speak to a friend, then bump into another. We talk and I then I remember that I'll now need some money, I walk back to a cash machine to withdraw some money then, realising I will need change buy a 'choco dip', a parting gift.

So I now have my change to pay the sandwich guy, my choco dip to give to the nice person who sits on my table and think "that the hell am I going to do?" and then he says ...

It's not what I had in mind actually. To be told and to acknowledge you're pretty crap isn't my idea of fun. Actually, it really hurts. I'm not consistent, it looks terrible that I'm 24 and the longest I've ever worked in one place is two years and I walked out of that job. It's painful to face up the fact that in the 8 years since my GCSEs I've amounted a pile of life experience and not much else.

I wasn't really in the mood for going to Samaritans (which I now volunteer at, never mentioned that before but there we go). I feel like I'm meant to be there.

ever just wanted to control c your heart? < /sigh>