so

exciting times ahead then eh?

Now let me explain. On Friday the 1st of February at about 1:10 pm I shut down my computer, took my payslips, cuff links and a VHS copy of Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell from my desk draw and walked out of my job.

While I'm not really sure the exact events surrounding this little out burst are particularly important (or OK to write here) hmmm, maybe that just gave it alot more edge than it deserves...? I'll say this, moments before I upped and left I had just come back down to earth after spending 15 minutes staring at my monitor not really knowing what to do. My hands were shaking, my chest was tight, my heart was racing and my stomach felt like it was in knots.

Weeks have passed since I wrote the above, I can't really be bothered to give an actual account but for the sake of keeping a record it went a little like this:

• I met up with a friend who drove me home and I chilled out for the afternoon.
• The next day I went to cornwall with my mum for my brother's baptism, I had a really cool weekend and ended up playing bass at his church, still managed the bum notes but playing on a skateboard ramp was rather different. Pete got baptised in the sea (goes to a surfer church) and I got very wet. This however was to be expected considering I walked into the sea to get a picture. It was very cool. It was great hanging out with Laura (Pete's wife) she's really cool and great fun to be with. It was really nice to see how they are getting on being all married and stuff.
• Came home and chilled out.
• Went to the doctors who signed me off work with stress. Wasn't quite expecting that one but the time off work was really good. I spent a few days reading in the sun, playing football and cricket with the local kids.
• Spoke to my manager about being off work, he was very helpful and told me to keep in touch.
• Spoke to manager (about a week later) and told him I decided I wouldn't be coming back, he was ok with this and said I didn't have to work my notice. (yay).
• Went job hunting only to find out temp agencys have started caring about who they employ now seem interested in CVs and the like. Bum.
• Spoke to one agency who still had me on file from 2005 and my record was glowing! ;) and so I have a meeting with them tomorrow.

So, alot's happened. It hasn't been all swish tho. For the past few days I've really struggled to get out of bed and do something. It's this feeling that I need to get moving and need to change something, anything will do just to get rid of that feeling. The last time I felt like this was back in july, I changed the only thing I felt I had control over, I shaved off all my hair and then went over it with a razor. Today (after growing it since july) I had it cut really short and shave off my laughable facial hair.

The other evening I was with some friends, I was talking to one person who said about my poor memory and she said something along the lines of "so basically you're really unreliable", and while I know she meant it as a joke I really struggled to get it out of my head. On the way home I said to my housemate "I can't get this phase out of my head 'went it comes down to it, I will let you down. When it really counts, you won't be able to count on me." I knew this wasn't what I really felt, but struggled to find an example of when I really came through for someone to act as an argument to that statement. I couldn't think of a skill or talent that I have that makes me the right person or any job. I'm still struggling with it. In most instances whether it be in work or church, at home or with my family, letting people down seems to be the running theme. I suppose that explains the latter part or the previous paragraph.

On a slight tangent, I have been reading Velvet Elvis recently, firstly he says about seeking help if you're feeling like this, whether that be counciloring or whatever, and I've decided that's something I have avoided for a while now but it's all something that (I feel) is nessesary.

And secondly, when talking about how we live our lives as christians he put it like this and it made me laugh out loud:

"are you smoking what you're selling?"

Wholly inappropriate Valentine's day

I wanted to post this on facebook but thought I would get frowns from various people, so, I have decided to post it here where it's not directed at anyone in particular.
I'm posting it because I find it funny, not other reason, I once bought a card like this, but found it so funny I kept it!

Worship as a life style

I want to share something very personal with you

Well actually, (I have noticed I tend to make a statement in the title and then contradict it within the first few words.) its not personal at all. Well, at least in the way I imagine it was interpreted when you read the title. The post about me currently being off work and my thoughts on that has yet to materialize mainly due to that fact I'm still living it and so a post (for my on records) doesn't really seem worth bothering about yet.

I want to share a video that I feel is possibly the best TV moment. I'll warn you now, it has naughty words (fact) and depicts extreme gun violence (semi fact but not really).

On a side note I'm reading Velvet Elvis and it's rather good.

Anyway with any further ramblings, I give you SPACED!

Praying in the shower

so there I was, in the shower pondering whether I should shampoo and condition again when my thoughts turned to an conversation I had with a friend the other day -

My brain does that alot in the shower, I'm sure I have mentioned it before. Showers are the best place for thinking, maybe someone should redesign the common shower to take advantage of this great feature! I mean, the mobile phone was never meant to be too focused on txting, txting just happened to be an extra function. When it did catch on phone makers set about making their products more ergonomic with txting in mind (button positioning, menu layout etc). Anyway, someone should do that with showers and thinking.

he was saying how he wasn't praying or reading his bible and his relationship with God was pretty much non existent. And I thought to myself, "I should really pray for him". But I didn't. My brain logic was that "my relationship with God isn't so peachy at the moment either, so how can I really pray that someone sorts theirs out if I haven't sorted mine?" Seemed like a plank and speck situation to me.

Why do I do that? I'm sure I've said it a ton of times but in case I haven't, I once heard Mike Pilavachi say how "God isn't like our Dad's, if we upset him, we don't have to wait until he cools down." Why don't I live in that knowledge? While writing this I have been reading a bunch of other entries I've written that pretty much says the same stuff, why do I keep on saying "Why did I forget this!?" Muppet.

*completed*

Probably my most favorite poem

In Love With Your Sound

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I just found this video

I downloaded it years ago but never watched it!

yeah, nice one...

Staff sacked as Norwich SPCK bookshop closes link

The future of Norwich’s only city-centre Christian bookshop is uncertain after it closed its doors yesterday (February 5) and all its staff were sacked.

The SPCK Resource Centre’s five staff were all fired via an e-mail from owners Mark and Phil Brewer from the Saint Stephen the Great Charitable Trust, which bought the 25-strong SPCK bookshop business in October 2006.

Norwich manager Jim Channell, who has lost his job, said: “All the staff were fired today by e-mail for not signing new employment contracts which were offered to them. It is very sad and a tremendous waste. I can’t see that it has a future with the present owners.

“There is definitely a need for such a bookshop and resource centre in Norwich and we would like to see it continue.”

The rejected new staff employment contracts included a ban on any pay for overtime and that no events could be held at the Resource Centre which were not in Eastern Orthodox-style.

The Forget-Me-Not Café, which is also at the SPCK Centre, at St Michael at Plea, Redwell Street, is still open and a notice pinned to the door states that the bookshop will reopen on February 18.

The Norwich move echoes other recent closures around the country including sackings and closures in Lincoln, Sheffield, Canterbury and Cambridge.

SSG chairman Mark Brewer told The Bookseller that the company has had to carry out “cost cutting” in order to safeguard the rest of the chain. “As we move into the second month of 2008, some of the SSG bookshops have experienced the same reduced footfall and sales as most every other bookseller and high street retailer,” he said.

“In some of our locations for the good of the overall chain, we have had to take the decision of cost-cutting. We have temporarily closed Canterbury and Cambridge and intend to reopen both after re-fitting and re-stocking these shops. We have other locations slated either for reduced operating hours, temporary closure or permanent closure.”

In Norwich, great concern about the bookshop’s future has been expressed by Norwich church leaders.

Rev Nicholas Vesey, vice chairman of Transforming Norwich, said: “I am extremely sad and concerned to hear of the closure. I am sad for the staff as they have provided great support for the area’s Christian community for a number of years.

“It would be very sad to see both Christian bookshops in Norwich city centre close down. SPCK is an important resource centre not just for books but also for candles, presents, cards and CDs. Its permanent closure would make a big difference to the city’s Christian community.”


and then some helpful person sounding all holy said: "Forget it and move on. You can't move into the future if you concentrate on the past. When one door closes another opens. The Lord has a much better plan for a Norwich bookshop and is working on that right now,rejoice, wait and see. Something better is coming soon." Easy to say when you are the person reading the article not the guy who has just been made unemployed.