Wednesday, 27 May 2009

what happened next

He flatly denied ever being violent to my mum, only admitting to being aggressive once.

He said how he only ever wanted to have two children and was in the operating room about to vasectomy when my mum rushed into the room and demanded the operation was stopped.

He said he wishes he stood up for himself that day.

My brother Pete and I are "mistakes" that my mum planned.

He didn't apologise for anything, not even when I explained why I choose not to speak to him.

The reason why he worked 60 weeks and was never around wasn't because he had to, he just wanted to be able to say he never borrowed money from anyone. He was quite proud of the fact he was about to buy his our first house in cash. I admit that's a pretty big achievement.

Does it stop the fact I'm have no grasp what so ever what is true anymore? No.

Heart broken. Head a mess. Looking for distractions. If you want to hang out and talk about anything but me, let me know.


sparkles said...


I just jump on my private jet and pop over....

Sadly, he's completely missing out on the amazing son that you are, and amazing person that you are. I cannot comprehend his behaviour towards you, it is not what you deserve. You may have been 'unwanted' but I am sure as hell glad that you were born. My world would not have been so bright.

I'm not just saying that to cheer you up or whatever, I mean it.

Dave said...

With regards to being 'unwanted', that was what I was talking about here ( and so I feel it's been dealt with.

It was that he looked me in the eye and denyed everything. I thought if I could just get him to say sorry it would make everything better, but he just doesn't have any sort of clue or realisation as to what he's doing/done.

I don't know how to respond to that, I just never expected it to turn out like this.

Hannah said...

You aren't a mistake, Dave. You wouldn't make an impact on everyone's life that you touch like you do if you were a mistake.
I think it's really big of you that you at least try to understand your dad even though he's not much in your life anymore and you've had poor experiences. Some people are grown adults and still hate their parents for no good reason.