What would you do if someone attacked your wife/soon to be person?
Mel and I have been talking about it recently and I'm just wondering what your response would be.
Do you defend her and make sure she is safe?
Defend and fight back?
Go for it tooth and nail?
I would say the first option is the minimum, just making sure she is out of harms way.
Option 2 I would say is defending and disabling the attacker.
And 3, well, they laid a finger on your wife, they get what they deserve.
What is the 'christian' response?
We are called to be men, not cowards, fight for them, but where do you draw the line?
A 'pastor' of a church in norwich once said about someone I know that she is "used goods", now, even just typing that makes my blood boil and I can think of many a cuss word that I could use to discribe that 'pastor'. I mean didn't this guy ever read that verse about how "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God?" Did he never read the words 'grace' and 'mercy'...maybe he did but completely missed the point.
I was thinking about what if I went up to the leader of my church (Ian Savory) and started disrespecting his wife or daughter? One guy I know (a solid solid man of God) has said to me many times before, he can take most things, but if anyone laid a finger on his family, that person wouldn't just have a broken finger.
I like that about him, his loves his family so passionatly that he will (and I have no doubt about this) fight for them, he would lay down his life for them.
Going back to this 'pastor', if he said this about my friend's daughter, he would most definatly be up against the wall quicker than you can say 'awesome', so why does he feel saying that about one of GOD'S daughters that its acceptable? I mean, thats one of God's children, if my friend is protective over his children, how much more is God?
Ah, it just makes me so ANGRY, how do you respond? How do you be christlike when you just want to knock someone out??
So yeah, answers on a postcard.
Saturday, 26 August 2006
To husbands and soon to be's
Thursday, 24 August 2006
Blogger Beta
Don't upgrade yet, it looks horrible and hasn't really got anything worth changing for.
If you act silly, you will look like a willy...like me
Yesterday I was in CLC and I bought a book by Adrian Plass called:
Safe
Tender
Extreme
Before I went to be I read about a sentence before passing out.
Today Sonia picked me up and saw I had a book and said "Oh, you've got a book, what is it?"
not being bothered to explain I just said "Oh, nothing you would like", she laughed and I walked to the office.
During the day I read some more and gave another half arsed comment about it.
Then, (now heres where it all gets a bit silly) we are in the car driving home and I purposefully turn the book over and place it on my lap (covering it with my hand), we pick up another guy to take home and then set off. During the journey Sonia says "so whats that book anyway!?" and grabs it, "OH... (between splutters if laughter) its one of those books! And you covered it up so I wouldn't see it! (she laughs some more...I didn't look in the mirror to see the other guy's expression)
I felt stupid, why wasn't I honest? why was I ashamed? I feel poop (not just cos of this)
Wednesday, 23 August 2006
Oh the (make believe) guilt
While using one of the trains in Berlin I saw a bag unattended, it was our stop and we left. As we were talking away I thought about the terrorist threat that was on the front page of the German news papers over the weekend, my mind wondered and I thought about how I (or someone else) would feel if I (they) later found out it had turned out to be a bomb. Obviously, this didn't happen, but my brain rambled and I wrote it down. I would be a terrible thing to know you could have done something but didn't. How would someone even start to get over that sort of guilt?
Its horrible to read (I mean, its poorly written), but its what came to my mind, and I'm trying to write my initial thoughts as I feel editing and re-editing loses something.
I took many men and many women
Uncles, aunties and many cousins
I've got the blood of them all
Hands stained with my sin
Silent lipped, words mute instead of talking.
But how was l to know that the breath of death would blow?
Think l would sacrifice innocents just to destroy my greatest foe?
Its not the man l am or the man l choose to be,
it like STOP. REWIND. PLAY every minute every day
l'm a cursed man, an abomination,
l pray to the God in heaven but still l'm not free
So please draw near l fear my words you will not take
l'm sincere l swear please don't mark me with my mistake
A victim of circumstance
A bloody mess of circumstance
not planned like the steps of some sort of satanic worship dance.
How the hell did l end up in this place?
l fell obviously at blistering speed so far from grace
I wish l could forget their names
I wish l could forget their faces
I wish people would stop leaving these poision filled cases.
Some people I know
Every conversation is a opportunity
And every opportunity is used for a beat down.
So push yourself to the top,
up and above me (if it makes you feel any better).
You see, I don't feel I have anything to prove
I push to speak with kindness, truth and a joyful heart
and I try to be open to those times when l'm wrong.
So please, rid yourself of those hairs infinitely split
and know that when you are comfortable in yourself,
you can come back and I'll still be here.
Thursday, 17 August 2006
I'm in Berlin
So here I am in Berlin, am loving it, such a beautiful city.
I'm taking lots of photos on my phone and I will upload them when I get home on tuesday.
Could you pray for Mel please, I got a really worrying text from her this evening, its not appropriate to talk about it on here but I'm fearing for her safety.
It reallz sucks to be stuck here when I know she needs me home to be with her, so yeah, pray, thanks.
Friday, 11 August 2006
Monday, 7 August 2006
Woohooo!
Yes, its time for another blog entry from work via the wonders of email!
I just got a call from the customer who's husband was undergoing heart surgery, he is ok!!
She sounded A LOT happier than the last time I spoke to her, (understandable really) but please continue to pray for them both.
Thanks!
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Saturday, 5 August 2006
my my...
what a difference a day makes .
"Don't worry about today, there are 364 others that could be brilliant."
Today isn't what I imagined it to be
Switchfoot did a song called 'Let that be enough', Jon Foreman wrote it the day before he turned 22 and for years now I thought it would sum me up today. But it doesn't, it doesn't even come close.
Switchfoot - New Way to Be Human (1997)
Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land
And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles spend their time collapsing
chorus:
Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough
It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago
And I feel stuck watching history repeating
Yeah who am I just a kid who knows he's needy
Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough
This time last year I was going life coaching (it seems so long ago now) and I identfied various areas in my life I wanted to change, they were:
- Accomodation - I wanted to move out
- Financial - I wanted to get a secure job that paid well
- Maturity - I just needed to get out of my comfort zone and grow up!
- Faith - I wasn't in a good place with God at all
- Relationships - I felt so alone
The job I'm in right now makes me very happy and I'm really enjoying it, whether I get to keep it remains to be seen, but right now I'm trying to focus on at least knowing I have ended my probation period doing the best I can. If I don't get the job, I don't want leave with regrets thinking like "if only I did this better", thats not gonna help anything.
I think the combination of moving out, getting a job in the secular world and being virtually self reliant has been a good thing for me. Becoming more aware of the people around me and how I interact with them is something I feel I'm inproving on...its all a continual process of growth and learning really.
After finishing with NYFC I was pretty much burnt out, not cos I was over worked or anything, (after all I did only do 12 hours per week), but because I was working on my own momentum and not relying on God. I pretty much stopped reading my bible, only prayed during the team prayers and when I got in a jam, went along to church because I was expected to.
Christmas eve just gone I told God "if it wasn't for the people around me and what they would say, I would have turned my back on you ages ago." I told him to leave and that I wanted nothing more to do with him. Come Christmas morning I work up and for the first time in my life I felt this weight come off my shoulders. I could do whatever I wanted not worrying about any consequences of my sin and how that would effect my so call christian walk. So much freedom, but this incredible emptiness was left. I felt completely and utterly alone. Sure, I had friends and family around me, but God was gone. Like the perfect gentleman, I ordered him to leave...and he left.
For the next week I found myself being able to do whatever I wanted, but the thing is, who wants to be able to everything when you are doing it alone? After the Christmas day service I bumped into Mel (and didn't actually have a clue who she was...even tho we had hung out a few times before), I had a face like a slapped arse and she asked me what was up. We arranged to meet and the pub and we talked and talked. I think we met at about 6:30 and I ended up leaving her house at about 2am. But in that time we talked about everything, I spilled it all and in that muddle of my life spread out across the pub table next to my pint of diet coke (no lemon) there I found my faith again. I remembered why I became a Christian in the first place, it was because I knew I couldn't deal with this life alone, I knew that by myself I would ruin it all and it was only God who offered the answers to my questions.
Fast forward to the 24/7 prayer week and I was a totally different person, I still struggled alot with somethings, but here I was given space to be with God alone for an hour a day. No distractions, no noise restrictions, it was perfect. Things changed that week and I kinda wish I was able to go to the 24/7 prayer room daily, but its all been about growth, and as I said to my friend Hannah a moment ago, I think my relationship with God is starting to bloom.
Finally,
through out all of this, Mel has been there as my rock. Giving advice, challenging and encouraging me, giving me a kick up the arse when I needed it. She's help me discover alot about myself and grow in my faith while also listening and learning from what I have to say. We don't always agree and I love that. I don't want to be with someone who is always in agreement with Me and I also don't want to be with someone who is so sure of their own ideas that they refuse to listen to others. Its iron sharpening iron and I love it. She is carefree not careless, she steers away from gossiping and bitching about people, she is confrontational but caring, strong in who she is but follows God. She is a woman after my own heart, she is all I want "she's my best friend and more" (Ben Folds) and so we're seeking God in this. We're looking for his direction, whether this is right or not and what to do if it is/isn't. It could all go wrong, we could both get very hurt, its a risk we are both taking, but I'm glad we are, cos just chickening out and not knowing isn't a option.
So thats me, today I'm 22.
Guess what I did on my birthday
At 2am this morning I walked Mel home, as we arrived, a pain that had been building up since we left mine kinda peaked, I think I've twisted my testicles or something, eitherway, I'm likely to be spending my 22nd birthday in A&E or the doctors. Go ME!
I might add, the fact this happened and Mel was round my house is totally UNRELATED, we spend the evening sat on the sofa talking, then I would fall asleep, start snoring and Mel would wake me up.
I'm gonna laugh when this is all over, if anyone wants to pray for me (laying on of hands is not appropriate) please do so.
Thankyou and goodnight.
...
Oh wait, might as well update what is going on in life.
- Mel is now my wonderful girlfriend, I would post a picture but she won't like me take one of her.
- I'm really enjoying church and am kinda gutted its going down to one service per week for the summer.
- As I hobbled back from Mel's house I stood in some vomit.
- I'm learning the piano and can play 'what a friend I've found' thanks to Laura (piano teacher a la bruise)
- I cycled in some doggy poop lastnight and wondered why this nasty smell was following me everywhere.
- My boss said to me "oh, didn't anyone tell you? Its your last day today..." when my mini heart attack was over I realised it was maybe a good sign, cos who would joke about sacking someone just before their probabtion period was over!?
- Mel and I are taking Joshua (her 2 year old son) to see some clowns and story telling people in the city tomorrow, thats on the condition I'm still up and about, as I write this the pain is kinda easing away.
- I hope my mum (Parental unit 1) hasn't read this cos I haven't told her yet that Mel and I are together, should be interesting. :D
- Mel and I have been discussing, (I say discussing, I mean talking to death), two things recently: "Can you lose your salvation?" and "Should women be allowed to speak in church." Its made me realise how much I really don't know my bible and I'm finding it kinda shocking that I ever worked for YFC with such a lacking in knowlege. Mel was saying that you should repent for everything and if you don't you're sinning and therefore losing your salvation. Now, that founds completely nuts to me, the idea that I could lose and gain my salvation numerous amounts of times in one day seems silly. Its leaving too much to chance. Anyone care to post verses to look at? I don't mean answers, just placed where I can find out for myself.
One thing tho, I wondered if Jorge (parental unit 2) will make any contact in the morning? Much as I'm really not up for talking to him, him making an effort would be nice...but probably too much to expect.
Big smiles everyone! Go grab today by the nuts! (or just anyone's but mine)
