Sparrows

I awoke from a dream. I was flying home. The wind wailed on my wings, and my strength was waning. And I knew where from rescue would come, but I scarcely called. Then the sun's rays fell upon me there. Raining, reigning...(and to the ground) a sobering descent. From the dust I'm sure my voice was heard on desolate heights, weeping (Jeremiah 3:21). Break up your fallow ground and do not sow among thorns (Jeremiah 4:3). You shall call me, "My Father", and not turn away from me (Jeremiah 3:19). As my Father has cared for me to this end (Matthew 10:29-31), how much more will He care for you?

the ass just stays kicked!

How do I post youtube videos again?
Well anyway, be a darlin' and go here will ya?
here
Its a very talented impressionist from frenzyboard

Ok, so I heard:

Fry (from futurama) performing 'get it started' by the black eyed peas'
Homer Simpson performing 'take me out' by Franz Ferdinand
Hank from (King of the Hill) performing 'Speed of sound' cold play
Dr Zoidburg (from futurama) doing a pussy cat dolls track
Comic book guy (from The Simpsons)

Lots more, you should check it out, no really you should

oh and...

scratching my ears is the NIIIIICEST feeling ever!
I could do it for hours, I look dumb when I do it tho, my eyes roll to the back of my head and I let out quiet little groans, but yes, Praise God, it is good!

Three things really

1. If you struggle to read the bible in the morning, (like someone I know) *cough*, biblegateway.com offer a read aloud version that you can listen to while you are getting dressed. Check out the verse of the day and play the whole chapter. GOOD STUFF.
2. Band practice kicked ass mucho cos it gave space to worship God and I haven't done that good and proper in a week or two.
3. Go to http://www.brother-sister.net, its the website of the new MeWithoutYou album and you can listen to some of their new stuff, and I absolutely LOVE IT!
   

The message being PC?

Ecclesiastes 7 v 28 (NIV)

while I was still searching
but not finding—
I found one upright man among a thousand,
but not one upright woman among them all.

Ecclesiastes 7 v 28 (MSG)

I didn't find one man or woman in a thousand worth my while.

Right...

To the tune of Chop Sui by SOAD

Wake up, we probably should talk a little, Jacob
Why? Because there's been a major shake up
Light the lamp they keep on the table
Yeah, you married me instead of Rachel
You want me to
Wear a veil and never put the shades up?
You want me to
Try to starve and find a way to shape up?
You want me to
Drive to Egypt get myself a facial?
You want me to?

Oh, I don't think you trust in my shelf-life as your new bride
I tried but Rachel's the perfect size!

Wake up, Labal, you're in trouble this is Jacob
Open the door or it'll break up
Why'd you give me Leah 'stead of Rachel
Yeah you know she ain't no Charlie's Angel
(You wanted to)
Even if she puts on lots of make-up
(Put fun into)
Leah's face could scare away your hiccups
(My honeymoon)
I've seen better faces on a bagel
(I'll punish you)

Why don't we discuss this nice?
Downsize your foolish pride
Why fight? I gave you the first in line
And I threw in a concubine
All right -- for Rachel just serve me twice

Father! Father! Father! Father!
Father it's to intense; I can't stand to hear it
Father you knew the plan -- Why did you give Jacob me?
In disguise so secretly? Is there no escape for me?
It's my heart you're breakin', please no!
Brushed aside -- Now I'm just doin' time
I cry while Jacob diversifies
Can't lie -- she's such a cutie pie
Why try -- when Rachel's the perfect bride

HAHAHA, Gotta love ApologetiX

I just got this email

hay guys

this is last nights church service from my church and a guy that was killed
in a car crash and went to heaven and came back from the dead spoke its an
awesome testimoney


http://www.livetsord.se//default.aspx?idStructure=173&mediaProduct=607&mediaCategory=52&FMInvalidatePageStaySession=1

love and prayers tom

don't let me fall - Kato

Listen to it here

stop me from thinking i wont make it
you know i don’t want to fake it to make it through
so hard to know if i can take it
strong enough so it wont break me
enough to keep holding on to you
don’t let me fall away from you

holding on is all i seem to do
stop me from thinking i’ve lost my patience

lost the thrill of waiting lost my heart to run
keep me believing we can ride it
the back of life we step inside it
we can ride the storm when it comes
the wave hits the beach again
and we stay standing tall

don’t let me fall away from you
holding on is all i seem to do

we both know that i could not live without you here
once you’ve tasted love you know the antidote is clear
there is no fear

--

Oh what a day what a day!
More later.

"A Chapter A Day"

INIQUITOUS SOLDIER-BUST
HE RIPPED THE PAPYRUS
HIS STYLE WAS RECKLESS
BURNT THE CAMP TO ASHES
RAP SHEETS LONGER THAN THE LOCH NESS
WHEN HIS MIND BUBBLED HOT HE SPRUNG HIS PLANS MATTRESS
EVIL WORDS FROM HIS MOUTH HIT THE HEART PIECE LIKE A GUNSHOT
ANY ATTEMPT AT RIGHTEOUSSNESS-HE JUST BLEW IT LIKE SNOT
HIS DEVELOPMENTS GOT ARRESTED
NOT REALIZING THAT BY GOD HE GOT TESTED
AND TEMPTED BY SATAN
HIS WAR WAS SPIRITUAL-LIKE VIETNAM OR SAIGON
LIFE WAS LOST-UNFOCUSED HIS ATTENTION FROM THE CROSS
THE CRUCIFIXION
HIS ADDICTION
NARCOTICS IN THE PROJECTS
CRIMES THAT LEAVE NO EVIDENCE
FORGET THE 6th COMMANDMENT
EVIL RADIUS-STUDY HEATHEN SCIENCE
BACK-STAB BUSINESS AND KILL THE WITNESSES
RESIST BENEVOLENCE WITH FLESHLY DEFENSES-HE WANTS TO BE THE PRESIDENT

THE PLAYED HIS GAMES LIKE SNAKES IN GRASSES
CLIMBED TREES LIKE ZACHEUS AND DROPPED WICKED VIRUSES
MY COMPANIONS TRIED TO BREAK IT UP LIKE GLASS
BUT HE LICKED A SHOT REAL HARD AND SPREAD OUT LIKE A RASH
YOUNG SOLDIERS GOT STUNG LIKE THE TAIL OF A SCORPION
GOOD MEN TURN LIKE ANIKIN-THEN HE BRINGS IT AGAIN
HE COPYRIGHTED HIS TACTICS LIKE A TEMPLATE
N-BRUSHED OUT HIS ENEMIES LIKE TOOTHBRUSH AND COLGATE---------
HOLD BACK THOSE STUMBLING TO THE SLAUGHTER
CAUSE WHEN I SAY CHAPTA I MEAN HOLY SCRIPTURE

(Chorus)
HE READ A CHAPTER A DAY
KEEPIN THE DEVILS AWAY
CORINTHIAN-BROUGHT FORTH A NEW PROPOSITION
WITH A CHAPTER A DAY
I SEEN HIM CHANGE HIS WAYS
HE READ A CHAPTER A DAY
JUST A CHAPTER A DAY

FORWARD JEHOVAH SOLDIER-EXCEL
STAGNATE THE OLD SHELL......
HE WENT FROM SLAVE TO SON
FOUR SEVEN GALATION
BOXED UP TIGHT RECEIVING VENTILATION
FORMER SELF GOT HIT
WITH HIGH POWER FROM GOD THRU HOLY SPIRIT,
MAN THE VEIL GOT RIPPED
HE TOOK A SIP, AND NOW HE STICK IT
TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE PATH, YAWHEH BROUGHT HIM BACK
INFESTATION GOT PEIRCED BY AN ARROW FROM GOD
AND GOT HEALED LIKE THEM PEOPLE THAT TOUCHED MOSES ROD
OVER WHELMED WITH THE SENSE OF HIS SPIRITUAL NEED
HE WAS LOOKIN FOR THINGS HE COULDN'T FIND IN WEED
TIRED OF DAMNATION
PORNOGRAPHIC STATIONS
SATANIC EQUATIONS, THAT EQUAL CALCULATIONS-OF RUCUS
HIS SOUL YEARNED FOR EXODUS
HIS ATHEIST WAS SWITCHED TO AN ESOPHOGUS
THAT SCREAMED 'JEHOVAH-AH-SHALOM'
HE TOOK HIS STUFF TO THE GRINDSTONE
HE WORE TOMMY HILFIGER
TOOK IT OFF AND COME WITH TOMMY HELL FIGHTER
CHURCH EDIFIER
YOU CAN COME AGAINST THE FATHER WITH CLENCHED FISTS
BUT GO AWAY PREACHING THE TRUTH LIKE JOHN THE BAPTIST

Oh my heavenly Dad

please help me to be loving. As you know, I was thinking the other day about how I act towards people I speak to on the phone. Everyone in my office knows I'm a Christian, and while I'm sure they know I'm not particularly mean to anyone, I know they see me put the phone down and grumble outloud when I'm annoyed. I don't want my human limitations get in the way of them seeing you in me, (and the fact I'm asking, let that be a sincere request, and if its not, make me sincere, and if I'm not sincere in asking to be sincere, make it so.)

Ben starts tomorrow, and to be honest, I don't know what you are doing in that, but if its only to find him a job, thank you. Will you bless this office because we are there? Please do. I want Steve, Paula, Sonia, Maria, Paul, Andy, Janet, Elieen, Alison and the other two new members of staff as well as the temps to know you are blessing them through us (and how much you do actually love them). Help us to be loving and good reflections of you. You know what I'm like, I get distracted so easily, please help me this month as you know its crucial to keeping my job. However, if you really don't want me there, help me to be open to what you are doing in my life. To be honest, I'm kinda scared about what I'll do if I don't get it. It seems I've lived life on the seat of my pants for the last 4 years and I just want to slow down for a while. Thats what I want. I dunno if thats what you want me to be doing, but that is what I want.

Dad, I need words. I want to communicate to you how I feel. Dad, I need words, I want to hear what you are saying. I need you to be here now.

This mess with Mel, I have no idea whats going on. Thankyou that you told Laura to tell me to be patient. Its been really hard not to say the things I wanted to. I know you made her see me on christmas day, and I don't think it was just for my benfit. It all just seems so fragile at the moment, and I just don't understand how we got here, well I can parts of it, but where are you taking us? Lord, for your son Joshua - father him. I mean, really Father him. I miss him, I miss them both. That sunday morning, when we were playing together, it felt so right, and I thought you were there being the fourth person in the room, so how did we get here?

Be with me as I sleep, thankyou for the quiet you have given me these past weeks. I want to meet with you there, I'm asking and inviting you to come and speak to me there too. I want to wake up thinking of you, seeking you and growing into someone that is more like you.

If there is any part of me that hasn't come before you with a heart of sincerity, destroy it.
Help me to mean it for then anything when I say I love you...good night. x

Scroll right

Are you asking yourself "what is the point of that?"
Yes?



So am I.

He does not forget me

[23:16] Him: i'll chat to you soon though mate
[23:16] Him: sleep well
[23:16] Me: ok mate
[23:16] Me: take care
[23:17] Him: what you doing on the net this late? you being good?
[23:17] Me: thanks mate
[23:17] Him: sorry to ask, just trying to help with stuff
[23:17] Me: I appriciate you asking
[23:17] Him: :S
[23:17] Him: really?
[23:17] Him: i feel awkward
[23:17] Me: yes I do
[23:17] Him: cool
[23:17] Him: that's cool then
[23:17] Me: I'm doing ok
[23:17] Him: (Y)
[23:17] Me: I find I come under attack most in my dreams
[23:18] Me: and so I'm praying that God will protect my dreams
[23:18] Me: and he has EVERY day i asked
[23:18] Him: sweet
[23:18] Him: that's cool dave

After what happened the other week, its cool when someone challenges you.
I almost forgot tho I had been praying before I went to sleep, its crazy how much it changes things. Even in all of this, God is good, he does not forget me.

Yay!

I'm buying a bass amp for £40!
Wooo!

I'm dissatisfied

[21:38] Her: il just spend my night shopping on the internet!!
[21:38] Me: I think
[21:38] Me: I'll go make myself some tea
[21:38] Her: good idea
[21:38] Me: I've only had an egg salad sandwich all day
[21:38] Her: you dilly!!
[21:38] Her: you'll waste away
[21:39] Me: its kinda weird
[21:39] Me: councilor types would say its a form of self harm
[21:39] Me: but I kinda like forcing my body to do what I feel like doing
[21:40] Me: rather than what it wants
[21:40] Me: I have no plans to slim
[21:40] Me: or
[21:40] Me: stave myself
[21:40] Me: cos I'm hungry
[21:40] Me: but I'll eat when I choose to
[21:40] Me: not when my appitie says
[21:40] Me: so
[21:41] Her: yeh that is weird. . .if my body wants food it gets food. . . . . . . c im different my body chooses when i eat
[21:41] Me: hehe
[21:41] Her: :P
[21:41] Her: go eat food
[21:42] Me: yeah I will do
[21:42] Me: I dunno
[21:42] Me: its kinda like this
[21:42] Me: I want to be in control
[21:42] Me: over mind and body
[21:43] Her: why?
[21:43] Me: because
[21:43] Me: I'm stupid, I make so many mistakes
[21:43] Me: bad decisions
[21:43] Me: everything
[21:43] Her: join the club
[21:43] Me: I want to be more disclipined
[21:44] Me: in how I live
[21:44] Me: I'm sick of my halfarse living
[21:44] Her: yeh but the answer isnt controlling when to eat is it?
[21:44] Me: no
[21:44] Me: its not
[21:44] Me: its just a random thing I'm doing today
[21:45] Me: like when I run
[21:45] Me: I will run until I say stop
[21:45] Me: not when my body gives up
[21:45] Me: if i do weights
[21:45] Me: I will keep going until I am happy
[21:45] Me: not when my girl like arms fail
[21:45] Her: he he really?
[21:46] Me: yeah
[21:46] Me: its hard
[21:46] Me: if I'm being honest with someone
[21:46] Me: I want to be completely transparent
[21:46] Me: to the point where it hurts
[21:47] Me: I want to be hot or cold not just boring and lukewarm
[21:47] Her: so basically you want verything to the extreme
[21:47] Me: no
[21:47] Me: maybe not
[21:48] Me: I just don't want to keep living life how it is now
[21:48] Me: I want more
[21:49] Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToVQMCBgmAc

(I was gonna go on to link this to my faith and less half arseness, but the conversation changed)

An article I read on Relevantmagazine.com

Rudely Awoken

PJ Savage

I am a very private person. I just had a disagreement (we have to call it a disagreement because an argument is not something that newlyweds do) with my wife, Megan, because of how private I am. Yep, we just had a disagreement about fantasy football. I just had the dumbest disagreement with my wife over fantasy football, because I am a private person.

It all started with a phone call.

My friend Jason woke me up at 9:40 a.m. with questions about a fantasy football league I had set up for a bunch of guys that work/volunteer in youth ministry at our church. No big deal, right? Well it wasn’t a big deal, that is until my wife asked me what time I got up today. Megan and I were having our usual “good night” phone conversation (when I work nights), and she asked me what time I got up today. I replied that I was rudely awoken by Jason. She then asked what he called about. Mistake number one was answering her question with, “Stuff.”

She, of course, asked, “What stuff?”

Mistake number two was again replying with, “Stuff.”

Very rarely do I keep secrets from my wife. In fact, I can’t even think of one time that I intentionally did it. There is no need. However, I do have a nasty habit of deciding for her what is and is not important to talk about. The reason that I answered her questions the way I did was because I did not feel the need or the importance to inform her of Jason’s mid-morning fantasy football call. Then, when she persisted, I wanted to not tell her even more.

The weird thing is that I have nothing to be private about. I have nothing to hide. But, if I feel that something is not important, I will protect that feeling with all of my being. Even to the point where I have Megan completely annoyed with me.

I am a private person. I do not openly discuss things unless I feel that they warrant discussion. Megan will come home from work and chatter away with very little provocation. Although, when she asks me about my day I am very content with one-word answers. I guess I am not that big on small talk. If I don’t have anything to say, I am not going to dribble on just to hear myself talk or make people around me feel comfortable because the silence was getting to them.

But why was it so hard to answer Megan’s question with, “fantasy football,” rather than, “stuff?” Maybe it was because I thought it was none of her business. I felt a little annoyed that she asked. What does it matter to her what Jason and I spoke about? It’s not like I was talking to another woman.

Paul writes in his letter to Ephesus instructing them to, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold”(Eph. 4:26-27, TNIV). It is amazing that in those two seconds that it took Megan to ask me what Jason called about, the devil filled my head with various thoughts that led me down the same path—wondering why the heck she was prying into my business. What right of hers was it to want to know what Jason called me about?

You know what? She does have that right. You know why, because she is my wife. We are one, and I need to start recognizing that. When I said, “I do,” I gave up the right to secrets. When I said, “I do,” I voluntarily accepted the opportunity to be intimate with someone that I love very much. Intimacy has very little to do with sex, and everything to do with emotion.

While I was finishing that last thought, the metaphor of Jesus and the Church as a marriage totally became concrete for me. When I said, “I do,” to God I was accepting His invitation to be completely intimate with Him.

All of this strife and enlightenment because I didn’t want to tell my wife about a conversation that I had about fantasy football, God bless ESPN!

Shoot, that playa got style

Throw dice

"I see brothers throw dice/
and not act so nice when they're not winning/
and you should see the way they treat women/

I attack the block by block/
Take my street back/
But its hard to roll a boulder up a hill so/

Hand over hand I sharpen my skill/
And step by step I know that one day I will/
See the getto made into heaven after armageddon/
but for now we hold weapons/

Cuz there ain't not peace in the street/
Where mothers gotta steal for kids to eat/
And most fathers feel they gotta kill to compete/

You hear the Hiphop block partying with the gun shot/
Cuz real bangers use fear and guns to get props/"

Father Locust aka DIRT is back.
This is real Christian HipHop.

Its gotta be the hardest thing to hear

"I don't trust you anymore if I'm honest"
"I've got alot of stuff going on at the moment...I don't want to tell you about it so please don't ask"

It hurts more when you realise you brought it on yourself.

Funny thing, literally moments before I heard that Ben(volio) texted me and said:

"Hey dude, hate to use a cliche, but I just felt God say to trust him in this. Leave it in his capable hands and don't loose sight of Him in this...Even if it does get frustrating and difficult. La and Me'll be praying"

I walked home watching lightning infront of me quietly filling the sky, prayed some and then comtemplated bass lines.

Life really is a journey at the moment, work is going well, faith...no thats not the word - commitment, well thats not going so great. Am reading that Adrian Plass book and that is very good, stuff with Mel, well, I haven't written about her in a while because to be honest I don't really know (kinda embarrising really considering all I have written before).

Things I have learnt though, Benvolio, (yes that arrogant annoying one we all love in person and hate online), is growing so much. I mean in his faith, commitment to God & Laura and very much so in wisdom. We were talking on the sofa the other night and I think I caught a glimpse of the man he is growing into. I wish you could have seen it, you would have been caught off guard.

Honesty to the point of ouchness

You know, I was very close to deleting some of my posts a moment ago but I haven't.
I think alot of people have got me wrong over the years, some people think I'm really up myself, taking the holier than thou approach to people, that I look down on others for not sharing the same ideas as myself, that I am pretty much up my own arse to be honest.

With this blog I prefer to try and bare all, the result of this is that people see the parts of me I sometimes wish they didn't. Is it just to grab attention? Am I really so desperate to have people take interest in my life that I post stuff I know people will be nosey enough to read? No.
I post like I do because I want people to see the journey I'm on, the fact I have great months and stupid days. Its a funny read looking at what I have written, its snap shots of the highs and lows I have been through, and (again) to be perfectly honest, it can be calculated and will easily fit with how I'm walking with God.

I'm a stupid and flawed individual, I make the same mistakes, deeply offend the ones I love, and get it wrong over and over again. But in this, while my face is cooling down and the redness is going, I'm crawling back to God, (who I might add), I found out the other day, has been my real Dad all along and I just didn't know it.

X3watch - monthly accountability report.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I have a confession

I found out a week or so ago that I forgot to install x3 watch on my new pc.
I didn't use that time constructively.
I also took this blogger account off the accounablity partner list on saturday for the afternoon.
Again I messed up.

I have it installed again, I have space for one other email address to get the bi monthly email saying where I have been. If you would like that to be you, speak to me on msn - bigpileoffunk@hotmail.com (which I might point out is not my actual email address).

I wanted to be honest with you.
If you could pray for me that would be good. (it was all going so well)

Today

• I found out that Steve Irwin is dead.
• I realised that this month is going to be completely and utterly pointless.
• I witnessed a 16 year old girl called Vicky being slapped about in the street by a guy who looked in his late 20's...and did nothing, what would Jesus have done...more closer to home, what would you have done?
  
• I found an anti homeserve emergency services blog network who left a message on one of my old posts, (uncase you are reading this now, don't contact me, I want nothing to do with you.)
  

and I heard these words, and craved for someone to sing the chorus over me:

There’s a darkness in my skin
My cover’s wearing thin, I believe
I’d love to start again, go back to innocent
And never leave

Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We could be found
There’s nothing wrong with me
It’s just that I believe things could get better
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I think it’s just enough to believe

Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming

And there’s nothing wrong with you
And nothing left to do
But believe something bigger
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I know it’s just enough to believe

Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We will be found
Rescue is coming now