pants

I should be in bed, I have to be up at 7:30 for work in the morning, but I stupidly put off getting my room ready for the guy who is going to replace my window. I think I might just stuff everything down the back of my bed...but what the hell am I gonna do with the TV and my speakers which are actually rather large (about 2' tall) look...I just spent 5-10 minutes searching for a pic when I could have been getting on and going to bed. DUMB.

Oh to be a Manly Man

[21:50] Me: I'm gonna try and be manly and go get a bottle of beer

[21:50] Me: brb

[21:50] Her: ok

[21:52] Me: yeah

[21:52] Me: well MANLY

[21:52] Me: a travel sized grolsch

[21:52] Me: which is actually lager

[21:52] Me: eck

[21:52] Me: nasty

[21:53] Her: lol!

[21:53] Me: how can people like this stuff?

[21:53] Me: I'm pouring it away

[21:53] Her: the things men do to be manly

[21:53] Me: I fail as a man

[21:54] Me: you doing nursing?

[21:54] Her: i am yes

[21:54] Me: ok

[21:55] Her: its good

[21:56] Me: you are named as 'Nurse Becky' on my msn

[21:56] Me: and have been for years

[21:56] Me: just thought I had better check it was right

[21:56] Me: ewwwww and now I'm burping smelly lagar burps

Who watched neighbours last night?

(I'll point out now it was the first time I have watched it in ages)

Did anyone spot the Little Britain reference!?

Broke Back Mountain

My house mate totally forgot what it was about and rented it.
*insert giggle here*

Pooh

Just messed up my graphics card, care to come a fix it for me Ben?

What else? Oh yeah, this is my 101st post (you could have spent your time a bit better rather than reading this!) Erm, I'm having a bash at learning the books of the old testiment (kinda gave up on learning an actual book like I wrote about a few months ago), am now reduced to lists (and I'm pretty pooh at that too!)

God said alot of stuff at the conference...granted he left it till the last 30 minutes before he said anything, but hey, his timing is alot better than mine so I can't grumble. Gotta think stuff over...oh and go to bed.

Night!


Oooo one more thing!

I have decided we ALL need to be alot more like Jehoshaphat. Got a problem? Why even bother relying on your own strength when you KNOW God is "MIGHTY" to save!?
Yeah, go explain that one numb nuts.

ok, I lied.
I worked out why religion is a stupid thing yesterday, but I'll explain that another time.

Notes from the first session

Such love, such love,
Such love is this for me.

11.37 19/10/2006
lts weird, where as normally l wouldn't be effected by people with flags, l was captivated by its beauty.
Also, this older woman was going around waving her flag over people & it struck me she was praying for people.and it was like she was asking God's presence to fall on people.

11.51 19/10/2006
The speaker just said about people who have come to this conference like people going to the pool of bathesda, they believe in healing, the just don't think it will happen today.
Sounds like me oddly enough!

12.00 19/10/2006

Isaiah ch 42 v 8

12.10 19/10/2006

Isaiah ch 11 v 2 - Spirits of the Lord, not Holy Spirits, subservient meaning angels.
Also spoken about in Revelation ch 5 v 6

12.17 19/10/2006

Our calling is NOT to be prophets & apposles, it is to be Sons & Daughters of God!
This guy is REALLY speaking about healing!

12.24 19/10/2006

Isaiah ch 2 v 22

12.33 19/10/2006

This woman keeps on yelling "WOAH!" "WOO!"

12.35 19/10/2006

She now has a companion.

12.37 19/10/2006

We have attacked unrighousness with legalism and condemnation not grace and love.

12.45 19/10/2006

Luke ch 12 v 32

13.14 19/10/2006

I was SO BROKEN but You rescued me.
You heard my cries, I sobbed and groaned and l had never known such anguish and dispair, but you heard me even when you were up so high & l was so low. You stoopped down so much lower than l thought l already was to scoope up all of me. I laid broken in your hands, you saw all of my fragile frame in all of its inperfections, you saw all of my heart with all of its disobdience and pain...and you had mercy.

Me in 5 words apparently

So I was talking to my department manager how he asks people pretty hard questions.
The example I used was that he asked me to describe him in 5 words after only knowing him for about 5 minutes. (Another good one was: "What were my expectations of you on the staff day?")

Anyway, I said they were pretty crazy questions to ask and that he couldn't do it about me after knowing me for 5 months. However, he gave it a bash. (I was quite intruiged how much thought he put into it. You could see it on his face he was thinking deeply.)

Anyway, he came up with the follow:

Caring

Thoughtful (but he later crossed this one out)

Deep

Consciencious but

Innocent

Self Respect

I'm not so sure what I make of it all. I mean, what is he getting at with 'innocent'? Is innocence a bad thing? Is that because I don't enter into conversations and read emails that other people in the office do? Because that doesn't equate innocence. Or maybe the word he was looking for was naieve and was just too polite to say it?

Its cool speaking to him, I can be honest. He said something today and then said "I suppose I have offended you now haven't I?" to which I responded "not offended, slightly annoyed." I wouldn't dare say that to any of the management, but with him, he knows I say what I feel. I think he appriciates that.

In other stuff, it turns out the MD and the rest of the management are going to SERVE the staff Christmas dinner, I said to my dept manager that I had commented on this to someone who responded to something along the lines of "wow, thats a kinda church thing to do isn't it?!"
He laughed and made a comment about the management being Christians to which I responded "see? There is hope for you yet! I'll have to come back from this conference I'm going to and pray for you all"
He smiled, he won't admit it I'm sure, but I think he liked that idea because he just doesn't know what will happen.

Anyway, I'm of with Ruth to this conference, I have no idea whats gonna happen, what God will say, but I'm giving it a bash with open eyes, ears and heart.

Who needs commas anyway?

The conversation went like this:

Paul: *to Dept Manager*...ok then mate, I'll get on to it.

Dept Manager: God, he is good! (speaking to me)

Me: Haha, yes he is isn't he!?

Dept Manager: *laughs*

Me: *laughs* But I'm laughing at something totally different

Dept Manager: But you think its true?

Me: Oh yes, I do!

Dept Manager: You gonna tell me what it is then?

Me: Well, I would but I don't think you'll like it, too christiany...

Dept Manager: Awww

Me: Was that an 'awww' because I won't tell you or because it was too christiany?

Dept Manager: No.

Me: *laughs* what sort of answer is that!?

Thoughts while at work

I'm in my 9th minute of hold music and I just got a really christmasy feeling, it could be the strings of the orchestra (sp?) Today being being kinda cool, well, the work side of it is slow, contacting people I need to speak to hasn't been the easiest of tasks and stuff, but otherwise all good.

I've been praying more which is always a positive thing to be doing, I'm really excited about the conference I'm going to tomorrow. Its a 'prophetic seers' (is that see[ers] or something else?) conference and I'm really excited about it. I'm excited about what God is going to do, he's been saying so much recently it seems only fair that he speak to me when I pay for it! (I kid I kid) But still, its going to be cool. I have no idea what I'm letting myself in for and I like that.

(am on hold again after speaking to a girl called Hannah for about a minute or two, 18 minutes and counting)

I realised the other day a few things that are things I need to sort out:

1. I don't know the books of the bible - realised on sunday when Ang let me read her bible. The guy speaking made reference to another verse and I didn't know whether to flick the pages left or right...and I wasn't going to risk looking silly by running my thumb over the pages like a flick book. Silly!

So I'm gonna have a bash at sorting that one out.

2. I don't think I actually have a bible that I call my own. Its silly! After 7 official years of being a christian (march the 6th WWMT concert...oh I KNOW, its a cliché) I've gone through a muddle of bibles that I just haven't liked. I like Laura/Ben's NIV Study bible, the small blue one. I once had a girl friend (ha!) who bought me an NIV study bible for my birthday. Now, I don't want to seem ungrateful...but I was. You see, she bought me the overly huge Red Life Application NIV Study Bible, which, from my experience was a bit touchy feely and annoying if you ask me, rather than the compact Blue NIV Study bible with fact, figures and history bits. It was just too impractical to use...and the gold leaf came off really soon revealing black lettering...which ruined it all if you ask me. I suppose I really need to get over the 'wow this bible with this cover will change my life, I need to buy it!' thinking, its stupid. I want a bible that I want to read and study, write notes in and know its ok if I scuff the cover. I suppose its a changing in my thinking rather than a changing in my translation.

...tho I do like the look of those small Blue NIV study bibles.

3. While at work, I yawn. When I yawn I cock my head back and open my mouth as wide as it goes and take in as larger gulp of air as I can. My granny would not be amused.

While I'm listing stuff, I might as well give the 'homework' from church a bash.

So, today I am thankful for the following 5 things:

1. Not arriving at work late even though I some how managed to leave my self only 7 minutes to get there.

2. Being able to see Mel this evening.

3. The good relationships I have with everyone here at work, we all have a laugh (mostly at my expense), but I'm happy here. I'm glad I made the choice to say I was a Christian in the first opportunity I had. Even if not much is visibly happening, I think I have changed their perspectives on Christians a bit, so that is good. (Pray for more opportunities not to bible bash but to show my faith.)

4. I was told I cheered someone up.

5. My neck is on the road to recovery, (managed to hurt it somehow last week so I couldn't look to my left, kept on forgetting and so had a painful few days!)

Small things but I am thankful...just gotta keep this up for two weeks now! TWO WEEKS!?

Sean does it again

An interview with James Blunt by my friend Sean

Feel the love at www.didnotbitehuman.com (some people may find some of the content on this site offensive)

What an extraordinary day

It went from being a complete mess at 11pm last night.
A gibbering wreck at 12am.
Scarey at 1am.
Very nervious at 7am-12pm
Chilled at 1pm
Weird at 2pm
And from 3pm-11:55pm apsolutely peaceful, brilliant, emotional, loving, amazing, relaxed, really fun, happy.

God, you are my God and I will praise you!
How merciful you have been to me this week!
How loving!
How caring and patient!
I can't put into words how grateful I am for you making me the person I am today in spite of everything that has come before. You had a plan, you knew what was going on, so engrave this day on my brain, in my heart, don't let me forget this day. You are in control, you give peace to the restless, hope to the lost, you are strong to deliver, mighty to save. Oh my God almighty, you are gooooood!
Thankyou!

Cheer up grumpy

Philippians 4
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


and so without further a do, CLICK HERE!

Ok I'll quit so damn emo in a sec

but...pretty soon I'm going to have to deal with something I don't want to face. I *think* I know what it is and am pretty scared. (sorry to sound all drama queen on you)
Oh and so you know I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with:

my dad
Mel
work
church

You're prayers would be really appriciated.
I'm quite sure I won't post about it here, so yeah, don't ask.

Comments

So it seems, people have actually been leaving comments, I just haven't seen them, need to tweak the settings on blogger so they appear straight away so I don't have to moderate them.
I'm off to go read some.

Thankyou all very much.

response

listen here

and she isn't the only one to say this...

My very dear David,

You may have noticed that I have not been contacting you seen I last saw you. I am very concerned that on becoming a man you seem to be developing the tendency to control, dominate and bully. What we subconsciously obsorb in our young formative years can re-emerge when we become adult. I am sure that I must have passed on my bad habbits which I hope for your sake you will not develop. I had hoped that by not talking to you you might think and realise for yourself and maybe then even say 'sorry'. I do not want your life or your families life messed up in the future by such patterns as ours has been.
Much of my life I have been dominated and bullied and I do not intend to allow our relationship to degrade to bully and bullied. I value our relationship too much. It has been hard not to talk to you but I love you enough for 'tough love'. Well done on the job by the way. I guess this means that it is permanant now and not a different job.
All my love,
Mum
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Oh my God...change me.

I'm actually quite heart broken

I've lost my pokie (for my phone).

There is a time for regrets

And this isn't one of them.
I have no regrets what so ever!
I mean, I couldn't be bothered to put my italian pasta bake in the oven for 35 minutes, and so I'm frying it.

However, I did just sneeze and bite the inside of my mouth. Now that I regret.

Appologies if I sound like I'm attention seeking

Though, I do wonder with a title like that I am attention seeking just subconciously...however, maybe the fact I just commented on it means I realise that I am attention seeking, and the fact I realise this and I'm going to leave it like that...well?

I dunno, I'm not, (well at least I hope I'm not), I just wanted to know if people on blogger can now comment on blogger beta? I would just like a tad of input on somethings, nudges in the right direction and jab in the stomach (when needed).

People who have commented on here really have been a blessing to me, so, oh yeah, thankyou! But also, if you can, please continue to do so.

Did God reveal his heart, I think so

Last night I slept at Ben and Laura's because we were having a new bath installed at my house.
I said how my relationship with God was pretty awful at the moment and Ben was like "go TALK to him then!" So I did, well, I read (their) bible, listened to some Psalms as presented wonderfully by Dennis Bayne on my mp3 player and just, I dunno, waited. I suppose these words from an article from relevant magazine were buzzing about in my head:

" I stopped spending time with people that supported me in pursuing a relationship with Christ. Gradually, I fazed Him out of my daily life. The descent of my relationship with God mirrored the decline of my dating life. "

I ended up writting this:

Let me explain myself, I love Mel, I know I do. It hurts me like crazy that she would at one point say she loves me but then her actions say completely different. How she makes no effort to spend time with me, she doesn't make contact with me, & when she does its almost like its the bare minium to keep things going. I feel so unimportant to her, I feel jealous that others get to hang out with her and it seems she couldn't really care less whether she sees me or not. When we are together however, we enjoy each other's company, but the lack of being together before hand hinders us getting to know one another more when we are together.

(And then after I wrote that, I felt God reveal his heart to me, and I wrote the following)

I think this is how God sees mine and his relationship, he wants nothing more than for me to remember why I fell in love with him in the first place, but I fill my time with other people, distactions, I do talk to him but thats mostly on sundays. When I am with him I remember how great things used to be, but I never quite seem to be feeling what I once did.
Our lack of communication means l forget who he actually is, what he is actually like and I get the wrong end of the stick.

This has to stop otherwise our relationship will die & we will be heart broken.

It was a huge, I dunno, realisation that I could hurt the one I say I love so much, it was really weird that he would show me so clearly. And so before I even start to think about how I'm feeling, he should be (and I'm trying to make him) my priority. Being with him, not ingnoring him, making the effort, communicating, sharing, (and heres where it gets a bit strange), joking? Relaxing? playing with him? Does that work at all? I think I'm gonna go find out.
You see at the top it says "in pursuit of perfection"? Its not me trying to reach a state of being, its me pursuing him. I stopped doing that. What was I thinking?

Never thought I would find an All Star United song I liked...

Sweet Jesus, wash over me
Would come and sweep me off of my feet, please
It's been two long weeks since You've heard me speak
And I was hoping that You might like to meet me
I heard You heal the broken hearted
Even those who've been discarded
Oh how I need You
I need to hear You say
Need to hear You say

Don't worry now
Don't worry how
Everything just seems to all work out
Would You sing me now to sleep

"whats up, grumpy face?"

No really, whats up?
Where did your spark go?
You're frowning, thinking I'm sure, but I have to ask, why are you spending your time reliving and rewording the same situations over and over? Will it really make that much of a difference? The moment is gone, so do your self a favor and just move on. Do I have to spell it out? No. I don't do I? Don't look so uncomfortable, its ok, I know what you're thinking, and yes you are right. Let me quote you for a second, "how can I expect to love when I don't even meet with the one who first called it into being?"...have you even thought about acting on your own words? So why not try doing it for, just once. The stupid thing is, you and I both know its what you crave. The stupid thing is, you and I both know you know what is good for you and what isn't. Remind me for a sec, what was the reason you choose what makes you feel worse again? I can't remember, maybe its because I thought it was stupid in the first place. No offence my friend...no I take that back, I know it hurts, but don't you see what you're doing actually hurts you more? Come on mate, wake up, get a grip. You know what to do now, don't you? So go for it! What are you expecting? I told you so's ? He doesn't do that, you've known him long enough to know that.
So why not, what exactly is stopping you? What do you have right now that you actually care about losing?

He does love you. I know you know that, and I know you've told others that tons of times, but you really need to know it, believe it and live in it. Ok? Sleep now, have a good day at work tomorrow.

Patience

Surely if you are patient with someone for too long they just think you are spineless and don't have it in you to respond when you are hurting. This is stupid, I need to do something.

Sometimes I wish I was a girl

Then I could sing along to Plumb songs.
Also, women's clothing is SOO much cheaper and alot more interesting.
However, being a guy isn't all con's, we have our pro's too.

Oh and if you're reading too much into this post, you really need to get to know me more you silly head.

Review: Jesus Camp

Review: Jesus Camp

Brett McCracken (watch the trailer Youtube flash Video)

If Jesus Camp could be characterized as a genre film, I’d sooner label it horror than documentary. From the very outset and throughout its 80-some minutes, the mood is foreboding, with dirge-like music and stormy skies mixed with images of seven-year-olds speaking in tongues. The film is about a Midwestern summer camp for cute, little Christian preteens, and yet it comes across like Children of the Corn meets The Blair Witch Project.

Or so the filmmakers hope.

Directors Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady are following the recent trend of the terror-doc. Films like this summer’s An Inconvenient Truth—which was touted as “the scariest film you’ll see all year”—have perfected the application of thriller conventions and polarizing scare tactics to a medium that in previous eras was happily objective. Today, the “documentary” film is less about documenting something in the journalistic, reporting sense and more about how well real footage can be edited to form a compelling and manipulative narrative argument.

And the argument of Jesus Camp is pretty familiar: Evangelical Christians are radically conservative, gleefully anti-intellectual, flag-waving Dubya lovers who brainwash their WASP spawn in hopes of raising up an army to usher in a theocracy or the apocalypse, whichever comes first. The stereotypes propagated in the film seemed justified, because it is a documentary—simply cameras witnessing the reality of the situation. However, any stereotype can be propagated if you find the right people and know how to edit the footage. But you don’t see many documentaries out there blatantly reinforcing the worst kind of stereotypes about Jews, Hindus and certainly not Muslims, do you?

Christians are really the last major group to be openly, recklessly mocked in the media. For some reason, it is just not seen as politically incorrect to repeatedly portray Christians as bigoted, red-state ignoramuses. And for Christians, that is the most disturbing message of Jesus Camp.

The star of Jesus Camp is one Becky Fischer, a Pentecostal children’s pastor who looks like any other evangelical church lady. Fischer is something of a celebrity for her wildly popular summer camp, “Kids on Fire,” which is ironically held in Devil’s Lake, North Dakota, every summer. She is full of all sorts of soundbites such as, “George W. Bush has brought a lot of credibility to evangelical Christianity” and “Warlocks are enemies of God” (in reference to Harry Potter). No doubt Ewing and Grady had a hard time choosing which of Fischer’s golden comments to incorporate.

The majority of the film focuses on what goes on at the “Kids on Fire” camp. The shenanigans include kids dancing to Christian rap, tearfully praying for “righteous judges” and smashing “sinful” porcelain with a hammer. Oh, and there is a lot of crying, confession and hand-raising revival going on as well—more or less innocent if you have been around the Church and know what’s going on, but just-plain-creepy if you don’t.

Footage is also shot at some individual kids’ homes, where we meet homeschooling moms who insist that the class pledge allegiance to a color guard that includes the American, Christian and Israeli flags, as well as the Bible. We see Levi, age 12 (another “star” of the film), playing a creationism videogame and Tory dancing in her bedroom to Christian heavy metal.

There are also scenes at charismatic, megachurch New Life in Colorado Springs, in which pastor Ted Haggard (who heads up the powerful National Association of Evangelicals) is made to look like a cocky, power-mongering goof. And to drive home the “evangelicals as politicos” message, there is a scene of an anti-abortion protest on the steps of the Supreme Court as the young protagonists stand with duct-taped mouths to demonstrate and pray for the nomination of a pro-life judge.

All of this “craziness” is juxtaposed in the film to the “voice of reason,” Mike Papantonio, a liberal “Christian” radio host on the far left Air America station. He offers some really biting and ill-informed commentary that gives voice to the hidden agenda behind Jesus Camp. It would have been fine if Ewing and Grady had just filmed the goings-on of Becky Fischer’s camp; surely people would have understood that this is a small group of evangelicals and not the mainstream. But Papantonio insists that Fischer’s methods of “indoctrination” are the norm in evangelical Christendom, and it is a huge threat to the survival of the separation of church and state. And when Fischer herself calls in to speak with Papantonio (and subsequently digs herself and evangelicalism into a deeper hole), all you can do is cringe—or cry.

For Christians of any measure of moderation, Jesus Camp ends up being embarrassing, degrading and makes you feel like the silenced minority. It’s also maddening because I know we have in large part brought this on ourselves. Shame on us for letting the Pat Robertsons of the world be our cultural representatives. Shame on us for not producing films of worth that can portray our faith in more reasonable lights. Where are the filmmakers who will make a documentary about the many intelligent Christians out there? Or about the vast array of humanitarian causes that Christians are leading around the world? Or at least put into context some things shown in this film?

And yet part of me watches this film and feels solidarity with the Christians in it—sympathizing with the whole “raising up a generation” that will do more than their “fat and lazy” parents did. Part of me is riled up by the polemics of this film—it’s an attack on my religion, after all. I am almost inclined to join the culture wars myself and fight back … and yet I know that this is just what Jesus Camp wants. A war. In this way, the film is above all hypocritical. It chastens Christians for going the way of radical Muslims and brainwashing their young for a future on the battle lines of the cultural trenches; and yet the film is obviously meant to be nothing more than a rallying cry and wake up call for liberal America. How appropriately timed is this film, which was released first in the Midwest, just two months before a huge congressional election?

What we need is a better understanding of one another. The fear Hollywood has of Christians is founded on a basic ignorance of just what it means to be a Christian. And yet the stereotypes that are continually feeding the cycle do nothing to clear this up. Films like Jesus Camp do not promote a conversation or invite an exploration of Christianity. They promote terror and a culture of fear (Michael Moore style) that leaves secular America with one reasonable option: run for the hills; evangelical Christianity is the new jihad.

Band practice

So I just got back from (ok, I watched TV first) band practice at church.
I'm playing 3rd bass ^_^ and am loving it.
Its sooo nice to be able to play with other people and play at a decent volume.
I think I'm improving alot and its fun to try out new things, fingers are a bit sore tho, but I have concluded thats a good thing.
I love I also have the space to worship, funny thing, I found a while back that I can get more into worship when I'm playing guitar, sometimes I would stand in church and imagine I was playing along, and or some bizzare reason, I was able to connect more in the worship. (I never claimed to be normal you know). Playing bass gives me a more tangable way of doing that, while I love playing accoustic, bass is great for the time being.
What else? I oh, I love the fact I can sing along and no one can hear me. I'm not particularly gifted when it comes to the vocal side of things, but I would like to work on that. When I'm standing in my little corner, I don't feel the pressure of worrying about people hearing what I'm droning, so thats good.

I smell manly

I just changed much shirt and copped a smell of my armpit.
Man smell, goood.

I'm off to the shed to saw some wood.